Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Girlfriend: Did I ever tell you about the time I was on this train really late at night and this old guy sitting across from me was looking at these comics that had, like, really graphic drawings of vaginas?
Boyfriend: With like… vines crawling out of them?
Girlfriend: [Pause.] Ummm… No.
–Downtown 6 Train
Man: What’d you think?
Woman: Just another story about how guys can’t keep their golden horns in their pants.
Man: We can’t help it if our golden horns start to glow whenever we get near a vagina cave.
Woman: Don’t ever let me hear you say that again.
–Leaving IMAX Theatre After Beowulf, Lincoln Sqaure
Overheard by: The Professor
Young lady suit: Hey, I just fund twenty bucks in my purse! Don’t you love when that happens?
Older lady suit: Yeah, I found a Valium in my underwear drawer last week. It made my day.
Young lady suit: That’s cool too…
–A Train
Female conductor: Do we have a line-up, partner?
Male conductor: Yabba dabba dooooooo!
–Manhattan Bound E Train
Overheard by: I Am McLoVey
Sassy gay guy: Have you seen how ghetto the Upper East Side has gotten?
Girl in yoga clothes: Um.
Sassy gay guy: And everyone is a bitch. A freakin’ nun pushed me out of her way one time.
Girl in yoga clothes: Ha! Really?!
Sassy gay guy: Yes mam! [Snaps his fingers.] So I pushed her all the way down, girl. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not Catholic!
–50th & Broadway
Chubby Asian #1: I’m making a headcheese.
Chubby Asian #2: What’s that?
Chubby Asian #1: Like a meat, with parts of other meats.
Chubby Asian #2: …So it’s not a cheese?
Chubby Asian #1: No.
Chubby Asian #2: Wow, gross.
–L Train
Girl #1: Were you wearing any underpants?
Girl #2: Well yes, I was wearing underpants!
–Javits Center, New York International Gift Fair
Overheard by: Amy
DOB lady #1: You ever see that stupid show, Family Guy?
DOB lady #2, with conviction: No. I don’t get involved in that mess. It’s a place you won’t come out.
–Brooklyn Dept. of Buildings
Overheard by: Choheat
Girl #1: Which one is he?
Girl #2: He looks like a ninja turtle.
Girl #1: Oh, okay.
Girl #2: Put a bandanna on that bitch and call him Raphael.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Mandy
