Guy #1: Oh my god, they have ribbed ones.
Guy #2: And flavored. Shit, I got to get a flavored one.
Guy #1: Awesome, flavored condoms are awesome!
Guy #2: They are. They are freaking awesome!
(guy #1 notices man at urinal).
Guy #1: Dude, we’re not gay.
–O’Hanlon’s Bar, 14th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Dude
Queer #1: If you were a hot dog and you were starving, would you eat yourself?
Queer #2, giggling: Ewww… I don’t like red meat.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Allen B.
Literature prof: Carlos Fuentes and Octavio Paz were two Mexican intellectuals who wrote essays concerning what it meant to be Mexican. Can anyone name some equivalent American intellectuals who were concerned with what it means to be American?
Student #1: Steven Spielberg?
Student #2: J. K. Rowling?
Student #3: Bob Dylan?
Student #4: C. S. Lewis?
Student #5: Stephen King?
[silence]
–Fordham University Classroom
Overheard by: [Embarrassed] to be an American
Male customer (looking dubiously at sandwich in wrapper marked chicken): Is this the fish fillet sandwich I ordered?
Counter person: Yes, the chicken is the fish.
–Wendy’s, Boston Road, The Bronx
Overheard by: Suze V
Conductor, over intercom: Conductor in the fifth car -are you top or bottom?
[well-built conductor walks through car to intercom to respond]Gay commuter, upon seeing him: Oooh, I hope he’s a bottom.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: MrStench
Chick #1: You were way too hard on my dad back there.
Chick #2: I know, I’m sorry… I just get so heated.
Chick #1: Still, “homophobic asshole” is a little harsh, don’t you think?
–Park Row
Little boy holding a box of cupcakes: Dad, I need money.
Dad: Just run.
–Magnolia Bakery
Overheard by: Mike
Guy #1: So, you taking the hot tub or what?
Guy #2: I'd rather have six years of my life than the hot tub.
Guy #1: Well, you don't really have a choice.
–Court St & Congress St
Overheard by: Matthew
Six-year-old boy: Damn, I always wanted to go in there.
Mom: No, you didn’t.
–Outside M&M Store, TImes Square
Overheard by: Lynne
Ghetto girl: There is no I in ‘team.’
Ghetto boy: There is also no I in ‘gangbang.’
–Astoria
Overheard by: Erik
