Chick: What are you doing this weekend?
Guy: I’m going to a passover rave.
Chick: What the hell is a passover rave?
Guy: That’s where we have a Seder, then drop ecstasy and go dancing.
Chick: That is so awesome. Can I come?
Guy: You’re not Jewish.
–Waiting Room, Pacific College of Acupuncture Clinic
Overheard by: Colleen
Woman: Hey, so have you ever tried crack?
–78th & Madison
Overheard by: Andrew C
Girl #1: Okay, I got it! We should all do coke for Melissa’s birthday!
Long pause.
Girl #2: Uhhhh, no.
Girl #1: I meant that as a joke…ehhh, I think. I mean who would actually suggest that? [under her breath] Awww, damn.
–Columbia
Guy #1: You know how people say that if you give homeless people money, all they'll buy is drugs and alcohol?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, fuck, that's what I would buy!
–9th St & University Place
Overheard by: Jazz
Headline by: bq
Runners-Up:
· “Behold, the Democratic Stimulus Plan!” – The Trayster
· “I Guess That Explains the Cardboard Box You Live In…” – Timmy
· “I Mean, After I Paid Off My Credit Card Debt, Of Course” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Michael Phelps Has an Epiphany” – JohnnyB
· “Mickey Rourke’s Comeback Was Short-Lived” – Sing it sister!
· “That’s Why You Don’t Have Full Access to Your Trust Fund” – Keith
Guy at ATM to friend: The $60 fast cash button should just be labeled "8th of weed."
–Chase Bank, Astor Place
Probation officer to juvenile: You think you can't get arrested for marijuana? Are you out of your damn mind? You're taking a drug test right now, you out-of-your-damn-mind son!
–Bronx Family Court
Overheard by: Adog
Guy to girlfriend: The more stoned I get, the better you sound.
–72nd St & Broadway
Guy: So then I smoked a goodnight bowl at Chris's.
–E 10th St
Overheard by: What about a good morning bowl?
20-something to friend: I'll save the world second, but I'll get high first.
–Houston & Essex
Hobo: Can anyone help me get something to eat? Please please someone, please, help me out with something to eat?
Woman: Would you like a slice of pizza?
Hobo: Not now, baby!
–1 train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Hobo: I need money to get food, and a haircut and an ID.
Guy: You’re gonna use it for drugs.
Hobo: No! I hate that. Why do people yell out “drugs”?
Woman: ’cause you look high.
The hobo leaves the car, experiences a moment of l’esprit d’escalier, and returns.
Hobo: Well, hello to you miss.
–D train
Preppy tween #1: You know, I really should try to get my grades up.
Preppy tween #2: Why's that?
Preppy tween #1: Well, if I did better in school my parents probably wouldn't think I was going out and having sex and doing drugs all the time.
–1 Train
Stoned chick: I’ve got to do all the drugs I can today. I’m going into rehab next week.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Matt M
Old man: Yeah, my daughter moved out a few months ago. She loves her university and smokes a lot of pot.
–Bleecker St
English professor: Is that what you say when you’re in your room popping ecstasy with the door closed?
–City College
Southern woman on cell: Have fun with the kids. Oh? He died? Joe’s son died? Why’d he die so young? Vicodin overdose? Oh, I will be careful. Well, that’s what happens when you take too much Vicodin. You die.
— CVS, 54th & Lex
Overheard by: Your Mom
Teenage girl: Yeah, she sucks now that she’s a crack addict
–Columbia University
Overheard by: An offended crack addict
Literary critic: It was Sherlock Holmes who got me on coke.
–Cherry Tree bar, 4th Ave, Park Slope
Chick: I’ve always wanted to try coke.
Guy: It’s not that good, but I hear heroin’s great.
–Alligator Lounge
Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nigger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nigger whores, even some white whores. That’s the only way I can get off now.
–Da Andrea, Hudson Street
