Drunk dude: Do you guys have any change?
Sober dude: No.
Drunk guy: I just want to get a 40. I had one but it accidentally broke on my head. Which sucks real bad! I just need to get a 40 so I can sleep.
–Clinton & Stanton
Overheard by: chite
Drunk dude: Do you guys have any change?
Sober dude: No.
Drunk guy: I just want to get a 40. I had one but it accidentally broke on my head. Which sucks real bad! I just need to get a 40 so I can sleep.
–Clinton & Stanton
Overheard by: chite
Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: I hated braces
30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys.
–Queens
Overheard by: Angela
Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist!
–M60 Bus
Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high!
–111th & Lenox Ave
Drunk man: I feel like I’ve been anally raped by Gwyneth Paltrow’s step-sister.
Drunk girl: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: West Coast Courtney
Evangelist standing on a bench: I was born under the Lord, I've lived under the Lord, and I'll die under the Lord.
Drunk walking by: Die, we don't give a fuck!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Michael A McCormick
Girl: Is this tequila comparable to Jose?
Old wino: Uhh, ask Leonard, but be careful, he'll go on forever.
Girl: S'okay, I'll fake a seizure.
–Liquor Store, 53rd St & 2nd Ave
Subway musician to drunk guy puking: Hey! Come on, asshole, take a cab, this is my place of work!
Drunk guy: You know what, why don't you pay for my cab to Queens and get a real job while you're at it?
–7 Train
Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?
–Port Authority
12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.
–Eddie’s Sweet Shop
Overheard by: Yorick
Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Maya G.
Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?
–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall
Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?
–Javits Convention Center
Overheard by: Hector
Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.
–A Train
Drunk girl #1: She doesn’t care about AIDS?
Drunk girl #2: No, no, she said ‘Asians.’ She said she doesn’t care about Asians.
Sober friend: I said I didn’t care about age.
Drunk girl #2: Why are you hatin’ on Asians with AIDS?
–L train
Burly man who pulled frat boy out of tracks: Dude, are you drunk?
Frat boy: Ah… Ah… I don’t know. I guess I had something to drink.
Burly man: Dude, next time you get on a train make sure it’s there first!
–1-2-3 platform, 96th St
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.
–Queens College
Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rachel Peters
Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!
–B44 Bus
Overheard by: Micah
Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Smudge
