Teen girl: That is not correct use of that word.
Teen Boy: Yes it is!
Teen Girl: You don’t emit a noxious odor when you ‘bifurcate’!
–68th and 3rd
Teen girl: That is not correct use of that word.
Teen Boy: Yes it is!
Teen Girl: You don’t emit a noxious odor when you ‘bifurcate’!
–68th and 3rd
Restaurant patron: Wait, you are telling me you never wake up in the middle of the night and think you’re still in jail?
–Mottsu Soho
Overheard by: J
Guy on cell: I’ll be there in a few hours. No! Just wait! I mean can you please just not sleep all day again for three seconds?
–Canal St
Hobo: Sorry to disturb y’all! If you look at me closely, you will see some red marks. I was sleeping on the ground for a couple of days and I did not know that if you smell like food, those big rats will bite you.
–B Train
Overheard by: Jamie Paquette
Guy on cell: Hi. I’m just calling to say . . . ummm . . . I feel really bad about how things are going, how things have been. I don’t know if you got any sleep last night. I know I didn’t. But I guess I turned it to my best advantage, because I just gave the most amazing lecture. I talked for two and a half hours! So I guess I’m not totally useless to everyone.
–Chelsea Station Post Office
Anorexic dancer: Yeah, but I can’t wake up without toilet paper.
Friend: …..
Anorexic dancer: It makes sense to me.
–Meredith Wilson Residence Hall, Juilliard School
Overheard by: cherry
Patron to bartender: I mean, I sleep till 3 p.m., but that’s because I drink and do coke all the time. . . . I guess they do too!
–Barracuda
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Yeah, we ain’t together no more. Bitch had the nerve to dump me.
Friend: What happened? You guys looked fine last week. It doesn’t make sense.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: She wasn’t down with how I roll. Always dissin’ the way I talk and shit–you know, correcting me and shit. Said she couldn’t take it no more, that I was always actin’ ign-i-ant or some shit. Like she’s some brain scientist or some shit. Bitch was always wrong anyways.
Friend: Brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: What?
Friend: You said brain scientist. I think you meant brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Dat’s what I said nigga, you just heard me wrong.
Friend: You know what, suddenly it does makes sense.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
College girl: Excuse me… excuse me… who is Darfur?
Guy: Are you kidding me? You need to get educated… you haven’t heard of the genocide there?
College girl: Pshhh… we pay people to gather information. Why do I need to know it?
–4/5/6 platform, 96th St
Overheard by: Sheena Tahilramani
Hipster girl: So, like, what do you do in your media classes? Like, what do the professors expect?
Hipster dude: Well, they just want you to care.
–Balcony, Hunter College
Overheard by: the person who doesn’t care either
Teen girl: Is the universe, like, the whole world or just the United States?
Guy: Dude, it’s, like, everything in existence.
Ghetto guy: Nuh-uh! It’s just like a group. Our universe is the Milky Way.
Guy: You’re an idiot. It includes the Milky Way, but that’s not what it is.
Ghetto guy: I went to four years of high school. I think I would know.
–M96 bus
Overheard by: Treesha
Snob #1: This is exactly what kids in school should see.
Snob #2: Especially in the Midwest, where they don’t read.
–Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Overheard by: Literate Midwesterner
Teacher #1: So I decided what my big job switch will be in a couple of years.
Teacher #2: What?
Teacher #1: I’m going to be a party planner. Or, someone on the set of a TV show.
Teacher #2: Huh?
Teacher #1: Well, I was watching Rachael Ray the other day, and the camera pulled back, and there was this girl with a headset.
Teacher #2: Yeah?
Teacher #1: And that’s what I want to do. I mean, teaching’s nice, but you don’t really get to interact with anybody, right? It’s just us. And the kids.
Teacher #2: Right.
Teacher #1: Oh, God, when will this train get there? I want to start drinking!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Thug boy: Yo, nigga, why you wearin’ a tie? You gotta go to court?
Teacher: No.
Thug girl: I bet you gotsta go to a funeral. Somebody got kilt, right?
Teacher: No, I just thought I would wear a tie for my first day. I’m a new teacher here.
Thug guy: Yeah, no shit you new, dressin’ like the fuckin’ president or some shit. You gonna get your dumb ass jumped.
Teacher: For dressing nicely?
Thug girl: Stupid ass white people don’t know shit about livin’ in New York.
–Franklin K Lane HS, Brooklyn
Overheard by: jeff lebowski
Slutty girl: My high school history teacher ate my pussy. Then the science teacher. He ate my pussy. Then in college my freshman philosophy professor and my junior year economics professor, they ate my pussy.
Practical girl: You need to put out a Zagat guide to your twat.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: PDJ
