50-ish woman: My mom had a stroke.
Friend: Honestly, worse things can happen.
–Café Henri, West Village
50-ish woman: My mom had a stroke.
Friend: Honestly, worse things can happen.
–Café Henri, West Village
Man with beer #1: I love you, beer. You satisfy me in ways my wife never could.
Man with beer #2 to other man: You satisfy me in ways my wife never could…
–NJT to Penn Station
Overheard by: Geologist
Aunt: Do you know what you are being?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Does it start with a b?
Child: Maybe.
Aunt: Your father calls me that all the time, you can say it…I give you permission.
Child: No.
Aunt: Is it a female dog?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Come, tell me…is it “bitch?”
Child: Yeah, I'm a being a bitch.
–Isabella's, 81st St
Overheard by: Gerald T Reiner Jr.
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! How many times have I asked you for a brother?
Mother to friend: Yeah, she's been buggin' me about having a boy.
Little girl: Yeah! And we can name him David!
Mother: David? David? Hooooo, girl! Hell no!
–Staten Island Ferry
Man with bongo: Who's that baby mama?! Who's that baby mama?!
Man with bongo, putting on blonde wig: I'm that baby mama! I'm that baby mama!
Man with bongo: Who's that baby daddy?! Who's that baby daddy?!
Man with bongo, taking off blonde wig: I'm that baby daddy! I'm that baby daddy!
–F Train
Overheard by: Leise
Guy #1, yelling: Bye, girls! Keep your clothes on!
Guy #2: Dude…that's my sister.
–W 3rd & Mercer
Overheard by: Checking her out
Four-year-old girl to sister: You're hitting me with your violin case!
Upper West Side mom: Anne, sometimes you have to endure a little bit of pain on the subway.
–1 Train
Old man: So where are you from?
Barber: Russia.
Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of money there in Russia.
Barber: No, very poor.
Old man: Where in Russia are you from?
Barber: Uzbekistan.
Old man: Oh! So you're from the boondocks? Your country would be like the boondocks to Russia.
Barber: I lived in a city.
Old man: A city? You mean you didn't grow up on a farm?
Barber: No.
Old man: You didn't have livestock?
Barber: Yes. We had pigs and chickens.
Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells awful. And chickens are stupid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rainstorm.
Barber: Yes, chickens are stupid. I named them after my sisters.
–E 9th & Ave A
Toddler tourist boy, during rainstorm: Mommy, my shoe has a puddle in it.
Slightly older sister: So does everyone's. Deal with it.
–59th St & Broadway
Overheard by: she passes as a local
60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.
–B4 Bus
Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova
Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!
–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.
–Bus
Overheard by: liz
Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!
–Food Stamp Office, 14th St
Overheard by: Erica Schreiner
African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.
–30th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: mike v
