Burly guy: I drove Lucy Liu around in her trailer for six weeks.
Columbia student: Really? She’s cute.
Burly guy: Yeah, she’s cute. But then you see her with her makeup off and you’re like, ‘I’ll have the chicken with broccoli.’
–Nussbaum & Wu, 113th & Broadway
Customer: Excuse me, ma’am, I’d like to point out that your bagels are moldy.
Bagel vendor: No, honey, those are just blueberry bagels.
–Bagel shop
Overheard by: Annika
Driver: Some people want to go to work, some people want to go home, some people want to go into your pockets… Watch for pickpockets.
–B44 bus
Overheard by: Katia
Bus driver: This is the express bus to Boston. We’ll arrive at 10:00, 10:30, whichever is earlier.
–Port Authority bus terminal
Bus driver: Happy New Year’s everyone. This is the New Year’s bus. I hope someone is looking over my roasted pork chops in the oven back there. I got some collard greens and potatoes cookin’ as well. Let’s get this bus movin’.
–101 bus, 68th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sashanyc
Bus driver who wouldn’t let anyone pay to get on, claiming she’d won the lottery: Nice day today, huh? Y’all wanna go to the beach? Bring a blanket? Three p.m. — meet me at a secret location. MTA going your way! They won’t mind if I take it for a few hours. Madison is next.
–M79 bus, 79th & 5th
Overheard by: mar
Bus driver to boarding passengers: If you have a name that starts with a letter, move to the back of the bus.
–86th St crosstown bus
Overheard by: Hannah Rose
Tourist chick #1: What is ‘soup du jour’?
Tourist chick #2: You know, soup with all those little de jours in it.
Tourist chick #1: Oh, right.
–Quasi-French place, E 52nd St
Overheard by: Diner at same restaurant
Fat chick to fatter chick: You know, I just can’t eat as much as I used to.
–Cold Stone Creamery, W 42nd St
Overheard by: Kilroy
Big lady: Sit? Nah, I’m fine standin’. These people have been workin’ hard all day, they don’t need no big fat lady sittin’ next to them. If some big fat lady sat next to me, I’d be mad as a bitch.
–F train
Overheard by: Alex And Ra
Queer to another: Honey, with all the food you’ve been eating recently you don’t even need a coat.
–20th & 8th, Chelsea
Dude: I’m too fat to be seen with her.
–C train, between 23rd & 34th
Overheard by: bwarren.com
Father to 10-year-old son: She likes ziti, french fries, pizza, and cake? Do you know what she’s going to be in high school? Fat. Never date a girl that likes to eat more than two things. First rule in life.
–Gennaro restaurant
Overheard by: Aislinn
Dude: There’s something not quite right about your pumpkin pie… It’s just slightly off… It’s like a dildo!
Chick with bite of pie in her mouth: Did you just compare my pie to a plastic dick?
–115th & Riverside
Overheard by: amalthya
Hispanic woman #1: … And he was all, ‘You’re not sick, it’s your diet.’
Hispanic woman #2: But you’re not on a diet.
Hispanic woman #1: No, no, he meant what I eat makes me sick. Then I told him when I’m sick I take NyQuil, and he said I can’t do that.
Hispanic woman #2: Why not?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, he’s a Holocaust.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Lepidus
Girl: This friend of mine, her cat killed an endangered bird… in Germany. They had to bury it, like, three feet underground.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Dude on cell: I saw Tim Burton on an interview the other day, and I said to my cat, ‘Snicket, behold a man who has never yet combed his hair!’
–AMDA entrance
Overheard by: McKinley’s Friend
Girl: And her cat and my cat are, like, really close…
–BX26 bus
Guy: I mean, I don’t even eat cat…
–14th St & 5th Ave
Guy to friend: No, cocaine. Cats really like cocaine!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Kerri
Tall blonde: Didn’t you say you were getting an ice cream cake? I’m so confused.
Short blonde: There was no time for both, so that’ll have to be another break a little later.
Tall blonde: Ah, okay. I just was worried about it sitting in Accounting, so I went to get it and they had no idea what I was talking about.
Short blonde: Oh, no, no. Plus, I couldn’t carry all three. The good news — Mylar won’t melt.
–25th & Broadway
Overheard by: prciosasoy
Woman #1: He ate that shit like a crab. Like crab salad. Tossed it. All that.
Woman #2: Damn!
–F train, between East Broadway & Delancey
