Wednesday One-Liners for the Crazy Cat Lady

Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.

–Brooklyn Heights

Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.

–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn

Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.

–17th & 8th

Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Is that how it works?

Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.

–JFK

Posted on May 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, JFK Airport, NYC Geography, On Cell, Physical appearance, Poop, Teens, Threats, Thugs, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesdays Are Naturally Sweetened With One-Liners

Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25!

–Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk

Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher

Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!"

–Penn Station

Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: T. Ryan

Posted on May 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dads, Family Ties, Fat People, Food, Friends, Fruit, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Insults, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Questions, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Ever Wonder What Really Happens When You Press the “Easy” Button?

Drunk white girl, walking past Staples: Ohmigod! I remember last summer when a guy spit on me at staples!
Drunk white boy: What? A Staples?
Drunk white girl: Yes, it was that Staples!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kiara

Posted on May 12, 2015
Brooklyn, Drunks, Girls, Questions, Smegma, Weirdness, White People

Lifestyles of the Wednesday One-Liners and Famous

Rich girl to friend: I couldn’t decide between the Marc Jacobs sweater and the Dior jacket. It was like Sophie’s Choice.

–Outside NYU dorm

Rich lady on phone: Uh-huh, uh-huh, but what if we just put the tennis court where the house was? … Okay, okay, what if we demolish the existing tennis court and make that area the guest house again? Or create a glassed-in structure over the court instead?

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: mkp-hearts-nyc

Man lunching with friend: I mean, I never lost a million dollars before.

–55th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: ilegal browser

Dad to child in stroller, passing the park: What? You wanted to go in there? I thought you said you wanted to go to Marc Jacobs.

–Hudston St

Overheard by: Colleen

20-ish girl: Fuck my dad. How selfish can you be? If I want to live on West 11th, then fucking buy the flat on West 11th. Ugh. Sorry. Can I get another dirty martini?

–The Village

WASP lady: She’s not even nouveau riche — she is just nouveau!

–A Voce, 26th & Madison

Posted on May 12, 2015
Dads, Default, Friends, Girls, Insults, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYC Geography, NYU, Philosophy, Rich people, Shopping, Store, The Village, West Village, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Also the Argument for Laxative Abuse

Guy: I guess I’d rather be bulimic than anorexic.
Girl: Oh, why?
Guy: Well, I guess it’s the more satisfying eating disorder, cause you can taste yourself getting skinnier every time you vomit!

–40th & Park

Overheard by: Mal

Posted on May 11, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Psychology, Street, Vomit, Weirdness

Your Wheelchair Fools No One.

Man, running into girl: Oh! Sorry! I'm sorry! Are you okay?! I'm so sorry.
Girl: Stop apologizing and start walking, idiot!

–Herald Square

Posted on May 11, 2015
Accidents, Apologies, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Girls, Insults, Men, Street

…So You Can Do It All Over Again Next Year!

Heavyset guy: You should be out there with a camera, I'll be streaking.
Disgusted girl: I hope they withhold your degree.

–Whitehead Hall, Brooklyn College

Posted on May 11, 2015
Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Girls, Guys, Nudity, Pictures, School and studying, Wishes & desires

To Teach Them a Lesson, God Uninvented the Dildo

Girl #1: When people make stuff out of metal, they just melt it, right?
Girl #2: I think so.
Girl #1: Still, metal's way better than plastic.
Girl #2: Totally.

–Astoria Blvd

Overheard by: sara n.

Posted on May 10, 2015
Astoria, Girls, Questions, Science

You're No Body 'Til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Girl: He has a really amazing skull.

–Bakery, Cortelyou Road

Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses?

–170th St & Broadway

Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex!

–Broadway & Ooper

Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Colin

Posted on May 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compliments, Delis, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Suits, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners

The Best Zoo Party Ever Til’ Everything Went Totally Wrong

Girl #1: I like can’t even wait for going out tomorrow night, it will be so fun!
Girl #2: I know, but like, we are always the ones who plan our nights out.
Girl #1: Yeah, I know! But we are like so good at it, we should be PR girls! Or party planners!
Girl #2: Yeah! We could do child party planning, and like, we could take them to the zoo!
Girl #1: Oh my god, yeah! But we would have to bring alcohol for us.
Girl #2: Well, what would the kids do then?
Girl #1: I dunno, they could like go off and do their own thing while we drink, right?
Girl #2: Totally.

–The Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: kevin

Posted on May 9, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Idiots, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Questions, The Bronx, Time

Girls