Global Geography

The man was white, wearing a punk leather jacket and a beret like Saddam Hussein, and had a goatie. He stands up and says: I like Eminem ’cause he can talk his way out of trouble in the black neighborhoods. You’ve heard of oreos, black on the outside, white on the inside? Well I’m a chocolate chip cookie, and I’ll take a toll on
your house
!

Man: Uzis are made in Israel but in the hands of blacks on the street. Go figure. Why don’t they do a study about how that happens at NYU, aka NYJew!

Man: Wake the fuck up, America! France pronounces its words better than us, even in their rap music!

Man: Why don’t they play flutes at the orchestra? It’s just a bunch of bam bam bam…Might as well be at a AC/DC concert. ‘Cause they’re afraid it’s too gay! You know in Germany they call it the “queer-flute,”; I used to play flute and I ain’t no fuckin’ queer. Now I just keep my flute in a box, and I’m not making a dirty joke and no, I don’t play the skin flute!

–A train

Overheard by: Dave Smith

Hobo: What’s the best in the nation? Hey you, what’s the best in the nation?
Guy: The best what?
Hobo: In the nation. What’s the best in the nation?
Girl #1: The best what in the nation?
Hobo: You know, like country.
Girl #1: Oh, you mean what’s the best country?
Hobo: Yeah. Nation.
Girl #1: The United States!
Hobo: Wrong!
Girl #2: Red Sox nation!
Hobo: Wrong!
Guy: Nigeria?
Hobo: Wrong! The best in the nation…the best nation is a donation! Gimme a nickel.

–2nd Avenue & 7th Street

Overheard by: Carmen Nobel

Tourist woman: …But I thought that the Arc de Triomphe was in Paris.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Jill Maclearie

Guy #1: Isn’t that the Norwegian metal band where the drummer is eight and he killed the lead singer?
Guy #2: No, the drummer ate the lead singer.

–1st Avenue & 6th Street

Girl #1: So how was France?
Girl #2: Pretty good, although we didn’t go out much. We only went to a restaurant like once.
Girl #1: That’s good.
Girl #2: Yeah, we hardly gave them any opportunities to be rude to us.

–Hunter North Building elevator, East 69th Street

Overheard by: Babs Monroe

Girl: So where do you live?
Guy: In Jersey City.
Girl: Is that in Jersey?

–Elevator, Greenwich & North Moore

Ghetto girl #1: …so I was talkin’ to that guy and his accent was so fuckin’ hot–guys from there have accents for whatever–and I’m like, “Yo, why you got an accent? You only live like 20 miles away.” I was like, “Nigga, what the fuck is up with havin’ an accent and bein’ from Louisiana?” He then be lookin’ at me like I swallowed my own piss.
Ghetto girl #2: You so stupid. His accent be the thing that make you want him. You so stupid. Know why? I don’t think he even had an accent; you probably thought he was from Jamaica or something. Just because he black. You a bad liar too. People from Louisiana can’t have accents. That’s for people from different parts of the world, like the Canadians in Europe. Canada’s such a fuckin’ weird country, but they got hot accents. If you from Louisiana, you sound just like you do if you from New York, and if you from New Jersey. If you from Canada, you sound mad different, because it’s on the other side.
Ghetto girl #1: Well nah, I knew Canada was overseas…but they ain’t got accents. I’m tellin’ ya though, this fuckin’ Louisiana guy has a fuckin’ accent…and it’s not even as far as Canada…Louisiana is a drive away; it’s fuckin’ nuts. I just wish I could make out with him so that I could feel his fuckin’ Louisiana lips, but then I guess I be wrong, he can’t be from Louisiana. So I guess I’ma dream of kissin’ him when we be in Canada. It’s across the world and great.
Bystander guy: The sad thing about this is that you two will probably become teachers.

–Queens Plaza station

Copygirl: UK?
Chick: The United Kingdom.
Copygirl: The United Kingdom? Where’s that? Hey, Joyce! Where’s the United Kingdom?
Chick: …England. In Europe.
Copygirl: But I don’t see it here. British Columbia, Quebec, British
Isles, but no United Kingdom.

–Kinko’s, Duane Street

Overheard by: Jess McGins