Drunk ponytailed guy: So, like what’s our situation?
Girl: Ummm, what do you mean?
Drunk ponytailed guy: Like do you … want me to come up?
Girl: What part of your ponytail makes you think I’d go home with you tonight?
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Drunk ponytailed guy: So, like what’s our situation?
Girl: Ummm, what do you mean?
Drunk ponytailed guy: Like do you … want me to come up?
Girl: What part of your ponytail makes you think I’d go home with you tonight?
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Straight guy: I need to change my hair. Four out of five girls with that bachelorette party last night thought I was gay.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Phil
Guy: Listen, it’s not hair replacement. It’s a system.
–Sterling & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: A White Bear
White guy: Yeah, and I ripped out her weave.. it was awesome!
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Amelia D
Hobo: All Democrats must have pink hair, by mandate of the homeless Republican!
–12th & 6th
Overheard by: theNJl
Ghetto girl: She wanted to charge me $400 for my hair. She was gonna charge me by the pound! Who charges for hair by the pound? I could get my homegirl to do it for $20. Never buy your hair from someone in the ‘hood!
–5 train, 125th St
Overheard by: La Liz
Bald queer: Oh, now I have to do my hair again. It’s so difficult to keep my hands out of it!
–Elevator, 1250 Broadway
Hobo: All Democrats must dye their hair pink! All Democrats must dye their hair pink. Pink is the color of pussies! Therefore, all Democrats are pussies!
–16th & 8th
Overheard by: My hair isn’t pink and I’m voting for Spitzer
Man having trouble with the levers on his voting machine: Wait, I know what the problem is…I’m a Republican!
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Not a Republican
Young fireman to conspiracy nut: You liberal bastard. I hope you die
in a fire. Motherfucker.
–Ground Zero
Overheard by: Jeremy C.
Hobo walking in the rain, yelling: All Democrats are Al Sharpton cock-suckers! The only question is do they spit or swallow the cum!
–12th St & 5th Ave
Mother: Are you sure you want to eat that?
Daughter: Mom! Do you know how that makes me feel? You know how you feel when I make fun of your hair. Now compound that by a hundred. I have a Ph.D. and a fat ass. It’s who I am.
Mother: You make fun of my hair?
–Cafe, MoMA
Overheard by: nothing wrong with her hair
Schoolgirl #1: You know that tall short blond girl?
Schoolgirl #2: You just described about 250 girls in our school.
Schoolgirl #1: Um… the one who isn’t a whore.
Schoolboy: That narrows it down to about five.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: Fareeda
Dude #1: So what’s going on with *Paige?
Dude #2: Oh! She doesn’t have cancer!
Dude #3: Sweet! Let’s get mohawks!
Dude #1: Well, there goes my night.
–Arion & Broadway, Bushwick
Girl: People always label me. They don’t take the time to get to know me. I’m the “Really, Really Nice Girl That’s Always Happy. With a Great Smile.”
–LIRR
Overheard by: Adina
Hipster girl, to hipster guy: Does smiling hurt you? It hurts you to smile?
–Top of the Rock, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: gus
Singing hobos, in unison: Smile, it won’t mess up your hair!
–1 train
10-Year-Old girl: His smile haunts me.
–Dinosaur BBQ, Harlem
Overheard by: megan
Tourist dad, posing his family in front of WTC site: Smile, kids!
–Ground Zero
Overheard by: Mike Pobega
Compassionate guy: Nothing warms my heart more than a smiling retard.
–Union Square
Man on crowded train: If my mother were here, I’d sit on her lap.
–Downtown A train
Overheard by: not his mother
Amateur anthropologist: It’s not incest unless it’s, like, your brother.
–E 72nd
Mom, to teenage son: Darling, sweetie, love of my life, I’ve accepted that you’re gay, haven’t I? And there’s a lot more that I’m willing to accept. But if there is one thing I’m not ok with, it’s flat-ironing my son’s hair. Ask your sister.
–Uptown 6 train
Woman on cell: You did what?…Why the fuck would you do that?…Yeah, I know he’s your cousin, but you didn’t have to tell him that I slept with his brother. I was going to tell him…When?…After we got married!!
–13th & University
Girl, digging through purse: Shit, I think my cousin robbed me.
–Urban Outfitters, Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: intern
Screaming woman: I’m not in your house; I’m in the middle of the street! Stop making fun of my grandmother!
–W 139th St, 2 a.m.
Overheard by: Isha
Girl on cell: I don’t look at him like a father; I look at him like the man who gave birth to me.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Cat
Teenage girl #1: Well, did you know he was going to come all over your chest, or was that a suprise?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t think he even realized he was doing it.
Teenage girl #1: Oh…I think I see some of it in your hair.
–Crosstown bus, 79th St
Overheard by: very interested
Wall Street guy #1: I haven’t seen that guy with the toupee on the train since I said something.
Wall Street guy #2: Do you think he heard you?
Wall Street guy #1: Maybe. Maybe he committed suicide.
–Uptown 4 train
