Fast Times at Wednesday One‐Liners

Teacher: My father always told me, “Never run away from a fight. If the guy’s bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, ’cause this dude’s gonna kill you!”

–Stuyvesant High School

Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Goober

Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. “People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!” …and be strong.

–Bard High School Early College

Math teacher: Give me your little men!

–Spence School

English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90‐degree weather. (student is silent) I’m not going to hit you.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on July 15, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Crime and Punishment, Erections, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Heat, Murder, One-liners, Penis, Robbing the Cradle, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

My Ass Exceeds the Specifications for Tights, As Set Forth by the School Handbook

Girl #1: It’s really warm, and I really want to take these pants off.
Girl #2: That shirt’s long enough to cover your butt, and you’re wearing tights under it, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, but still. I’m not white.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on July 8, 2015
Ass, Clothing, Colors, Girls, Heat, Nudity, Stuyvesant, Wishes & desires

Lucinda’s the Most Interesting Weathergirl in the Tri‐State Area

African man: Does it feel hot here?
African‐American woman: I dunno. My boobs ain’t sweatin’.

–F Train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on July 6, 2015
Africans, Body Parts, Default, Heat, Men, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Women

Do Wednesday One‐Liners Make You Hot?

Balding 40‐something: I’m a coed! Don’t laugh — I am a hot coed!

–Columbia University

Drunken cheerleader to fat friend: We’re the hottest non‐lesbian girl couple ever.

–68^th & Lex

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s too damn hot to be messin’ with the females today.

–Union St & 4^th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Teen program chick: … And even if it’s really, really hot outside, you are not supposed to sleep with a fan directly on you.

–Columbia University

Posted on May 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Heat, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Although It’s Possible I’m Just Hotter Than You

Girl #1: This says it’s 99 degrees out.
Girl #2: Really? I would have thought it’s 100 degrees.

–32^nd St & Madison Ave

Posted on February 26, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Heat, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Stupidity

Josh Wins the Battle, but Loses the War

Boyfriend: Can you believe they’re saying the temperature is gonna rise, like, 5 degrees over the next 100 years?
Girlfriend: Yeah, but it’s all based on scientist’s predictions and computer models.
Boyfriend: Predictions and computer models? C’mon!
Girlfriend: How do you think they predict anything?
Boyfriend: But to force public policy upon us based on these predictions and models is a mistake!
Girlfriend: Force public policy upon us? What are you talking about? Nobody’s forcing you to do anything.
Boyfriend: Hillary Clinton taking oil company profits. There you go.
Girlfriend: (looks puzzled)
Boyfriend: Booyah!

–Pool, 79^th St

Posted on December 10, 2014
Couples, Heat, Politics, Questions, Science, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

By September, He’ll Be Ready to Get Back Up on the Horse

Dude #1: This hot weather has been rough on my skin, man.
Dude #2: Hey, uh. Hey, man. I know what you can do for that. You can mix lemon juice with some vinegar and make yourself an astringent.
Dude #1: Oh, word? Have you tried this yourself?
Dude #2: Yeah, man. The lemon juice and the vinegar, they combine to cleanse your pores. I’m telling you, man.
Dude #1: How do you know all this? You just sit here on this park bench every day.
Dude #2: Naw, man, just during the summer. I work in the schools.
Dude #1: You an educator?
Dude #2: A what?
Dude #1: An ED‐U‐CA‐TOR! A teacher.
Dude #2: Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. I’m an educator.
Dude #1: Whatchu been drinking, man?
Dude #2: Vodka.
Dude #1: Yeah, I can smell it.

–Christopher Park, 74^th St

Overheard by: Carol — Pretending to read my book

Posted on August 30, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Jobs & Careers, Parks, Strangers

At Salivation Army HQ

Girl in crowded elevator: You’re not sweating. It must not be hot.
Guy: Yeah, but my tongue is blistering. I should probably see a doctor.

–7^th Ave

Posted on August 25, 2014
Body Parts, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Sweat

…It Was Your First Time, Right?

Police officer #1: They really shouldn’t let elderly people in this elevator. It’s so hot and there’s no air circulation, people pass out in here!
Police officer #2: Well, maybe they should just not go on the elevator. (they laugh)
Police officer #1: But seriously, I had to give three old ladies mouth‐to‐mouth.
Police officer #2: Well, there’s a first time for everything.

–168^th St

Posted on October 2, 2010
Comebacks, Cops, Death, Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Laughter, Washington Heights and Inwood

Isn’t That the Real America?

Instructor: Those people outside are crazy, wearing big ol’ leather boots in this kind of heat!
Student: Maybe they’re from Texas?
Instructor: Nah, they looked pretty American to me.

–Beauty School, 35^th & 8^th

Overheard by: Bean

Posted on July 13, 2010
Foreigners, Heat, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Questions, School, Shoes, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, U.S. Geography

Heat