Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?

–Elevator, 101st & Broadway

Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!
Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees down here, I’d say this was Hell. Who can I speak to about it?

−−2÷3 station, Fulton St

Overheard by: Karen Maria

Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river.

–Ferry to Ellis Island

Guy in elevator: God, it’s hot! Must be my underwear…
Chick: Underwear, yeah?
Guy in elevator: Yeah, I got plastic underwear… [Chick is silent.] … For easy cleaning.

–28th & 6th

College girl #1: God, I’m so hot.
College girl #2: Yeah, I need a cold drink — something really cold.
College girl #1: Like a shot of vodka…

–Union Square

Overheard by: thirsty

Woman to friend: God, it’s so hot! I’m going to take my shirt off once we get outside.
Random guy: Nice!

–Sullivan & Broadway

Guy #1: Yo, it’s hot, son!
Guy #2: Yeah, like two dicks rubbin’ together.

–Q6 bus

Overheard by: Who knows what that feels like?

Woman #1: It’s hot as Haiti in this store.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Isn’t it supposed to be hot there?
Woman #2: I think you mean ‘Hades.‘
Woman #1: No. It’s a place in the Caribbean.

–Banana Republic, 42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Not Haitian

Black man: It’s hotter than Hades out there!
Black woman: Don’t insult my country.

–63rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ash 

Peddler #1: Ice cold water! Cold water for a hot lady!…Damn girl, a look like that?
Peddler #2: Girl like that don’t need no ice.

–Canal & Broadway