Josh Wins the Battle, but Loses the War

Boyfriend: Can you believe they're saying the temperature is gonna rise, like, 5 degrees over the next 100 years?
Girlfriend: Yeah, but it's all based on scientist's predictions and computer models.
Boyfriend: Predictions and computer models? C'mon!
Girlfriend: How do you think they predict anything?
Boyfriend: But to force public policy upon us based on these predictions and models is a mistake!
Girlfriend: Force public policy upon us? What are you talking about? Nobody's forcing you to do anything.
Boyfriend: Hillary Clinton taking oil company profits. There you go.
Girlfriend: (looks puzzled)
Boyfriend: Booyah!

–Pool, 79th St

Posted on December 10, 2014
Couples, Heat, Politics, Questions, Science, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

By September, He’ll Be Ready to Get Back Up on the Horse

Dude #1: This hot weather has been rough on my skin, man.
Dude #2: Hey, uh. Hey, man. I know what you can do for that. You can mix lemon juice with some vinegar and make yourself an astringent.
Dude #1: Oh, word? Have you tried this yourself?
Dude #2: Yeah, man. The lemon juice and the vinegar, they combine to cleanse your pores. I’m telling you, man.
Dude #1: How do you know all this? You just sit here on this park bench every day.
Dude #2: Naw, man, just during the summer. I work in the schools.
Dude #1: You an educator?
Dude #2: A what?
Dude #1: An ED-U-CA-TOR! A teacher.
Dude #2: Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. I’m an educator.
Dude #1: Whatchu been drinking, man?
Dude #2: Vodka.
Dude #1: Yeah, I can smell it.

–Christopher Park, 74th St

Overheard by: Carol – Pretending to read my book

Posted on August 30, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Jobs & Careers, Parks, Strangers

At Salivation Army HQ

Girl in crowded elevator: You're not sweating. It must not be hot.
Guy: Yeah, but my tongue is blistering. I should probably see a doctor.

–7th Ave

Posted on August 25, 2014
Body Parts, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Sweat

…It Was Your First Time, Right?

Police officer #1: They really shouldn't let elderly people in this elevator. It's so hot and there's no air circulation, people pass out in here!
Police officer #2: Well, maybe they should just not go on the elevator. (they laugh)
Police officer #1: But seriously, I had to give three old ladies mouth-to-mouth.
Police officer #2: Well, there's a first time for everything.

–168th St

Posted on October 2, 2010
Comebacks, Cops, Death, Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Laughter, Washington Heights and Inwood

Isn't That the Real America?

Instructor: Those people outside are crazy, wearing big ol' leather boots in this kind of heat!
Student: Maybe they're from Texas?
Instructor: Nah, they looked pretty American to me.

–Beauty School, 35th & 8th

Overheard by: Bean

Posted on July 13, 2010
Foreigners, Heat, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Questions, School, Shoes, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, U.S. Geography

On the Plus Side, It Doubles As Spackle.

Skinny Indian girl: It's hot in here.
Chunky white girl: Too hot.
Skinny Indian girl: Well, at least it's better than too cold.
Chunky white girl: How so?
Skinny Indian girl: Well, now I can wear a t-shirt.
Chunky white girl: Yeah, but like, if it gets too hot we can't be whipping our clothes off. Nobody needs to see my pale shit.
Skinny Indian girl: Yeah, true.
Chunky white girl: Shit, girl. I have to buy my foundation at funeral homes.

–The Met

Posted on March 14, 2010
Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Heat, India Indians, Physical appearance, Race, Skinny People, The Met, White People

Hey, I Can't Be the Only New Yorker Who's Full Of Hot Air

Teenage dude #1: It's hot in here.
Teenage dude #2: That's 'cuz you don't shut up. You usin' up all the oxygen!

–Subway Elevator

Overheard by: Purple Hat Lady

Posted on December 13, 2009
Comebacks, Elevators, Heat, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens

Did You Just Say Something Was More Tranny Than a Jumpsuit?

Gay guy #1: Girl! Why are you wearing that coat? It's hot outside!
Gay guy #2, in huge black faux fur coat: It's to cover up the jumpsuit!
Gay guy #1: I think the coat makes you look more tranny than the jumpsuit.

–L Train

Posted on November 10, 2009
Clothing, Gays and Lesbians, Heat, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Trannies

Give Me a Wednesday With One-Liners, Long Beautiful One-Liners

Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out.

–Central Park

Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut!

–Wachovia Wells Fargo

Overheard by: CS

Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles)

–LIRR

Overheard by: kill her

Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag!

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie

Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair!

–Rockefeller Park

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bank, Beauty, Black People, Central Park, Clothing, Food, Girls, Hair, Heat, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Latinos, Laughter, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Suits, The Bronx, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

That Would Be a Great Name for an All-Male Revue

Young white guy to sweating black FedEx delivery man in elevator: Wow, it's really hot outside, no?
Sweating black FedEx man: Man, it's a brotisserie.

–78th St & Madison Ave

Posted on August 14, 2009
Black People, Clerks, Heat, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, White People, Words

Heat