Cop #1: Sir, you need to move along.
Insane hobo: I didn't touch anyone, goddammit! I didn't do nuthin! I don't touch!
Cop #2: Just get the hell outta here.
Cop #1: Please just move along.
Hobo: I didn't do nuthin, goddammit!
Cop #2 to cop #1: Can I pistol whip him?
–Atlantic Avenue Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Derek
Hobo: Can you spare a quarter?
20-ish guy: I’m broke. I owe the government 70 thousand dollars.
Hobo, after a pause: Would you like a quarter?
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Bag lady with a cane: Excuse me, ladies and gentleman! I don't mean to bother you but…
Crazy hobo, interrupting: Then don't! I hate people who say “sorry to bother you.” Just stop bothering me!
Bag lady with a cane: Fuck you!
Crazy hobo: You ain't even really crippled! I sold you that cane!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’
–CVS, 42nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by: Incitatus
Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.
–MacDougal Street Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.
–Columbus Ave
Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!
–Water St dorm, NYU
Overheard by: michael
Hobo: Hey, where you from, man?
Tourist #1 (wearing fingerless gloves): England.
Hobo: I knew you ain't from round here, cos I ain't never seen gloves like that before
(hobo walks away)
Tourist #2: You should have told him they're really popular with tramps in England.
–105th & Broadway
Hobo to college kid: Buy me a fish sandwich?
College kid, walking past: Sorry.
Hobo, as kid walks away: I'm Jesus Christ!
–125th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Will T
Man on phone: So you know that guy whose mouth I farted in? He was totally at the bar last night.
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: not that guy
Hobo to his dog: Was that you who farted or me? Because I think it was you.
–67th & Amsterdam
NYU kid on cell: No, no, dude! You're not hearing me! I'm telling you that we were playing the game "I never" and the question was "I've never farted in an elevator" …yeah! I know! But here's the thing, dude! She claimed she'd never farted! (laughs) Nooo, dude! You heard me right: Never ever. And I gotta tell you, bro: it's creepin' me out!
–La Guardia b/w Bleecker & Houston
Overheard by: Elevator Bomb Dropper
Jealous guy: I hope her boyfriend farts in her face and she gets pink eye.
–L Train
Woman on cell: Now, honey, tell the truth. Did you fart on Santa's lap?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Hobo: If you see me pissin’ on your lawn, it’s my disease. I have mental illness. I just got out of psychiatric.
At this point he whipped it out and proceeded to water a tree.
–Washington Square Park
Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!
–8th & 34th
Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: It's how I got mine
Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!
–Coney Island Broadwalk
Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!
–Broadway & Liberty
Overheard by: CG
Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!
–Spring Street, SoHo
Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.
–W 12th & W 4th
Overheard by: michael diamond
Hobo: Hey man, can I have a cigarette?
Jewish smoker: No, sorry, I'm running low.
Hobo: No, you just don't wanna give me a cig 'cause you're a Jew.
Jewish smoker: Why can't you afford your own cigarettes? Is it cause you're black?
–9th Ave & 18th St
