Douche #1: Yeah, I can only wear tailored shirts now, I can't wear stuff right out of the store anymore.
Douche #2: Dude, do you, like, get them mammogramed?
Douche #1: Nah, I'm not sure if my tailor does that.
–4 Train
Overheard by: I.D.H.
Douche #1: Yeah, I can only wear tailored shirts now, I can't wear stuff right out of the store anymore.
Douche #2: Dude, do you, like, get them mammogramed?
Douche #1: Nah, I'm not sure if my tailor does that.
–4 Train
Overheard by: I.D.H.
Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!
–9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts
Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!
–14th St & 1st Ave
Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!
–Astoria
Overheard by: squarehand
Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.
–Museum of Modern Art
Overheard by: Gino
Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!
–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria
Overheard by: Evan
Girl: These fish are big, yo! Or is this tank magnetic?
–Petland, Greenpoint
Overheard by: miles
Sweatpants: So, how’s your life doing?
Girl: Um, okay, I guess.
Sweatpants: That’s good… So I was watching Pokemon the other day…
–Mars Bar
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Dumb #20-something #1: Anyway, she said something great at the end of the episode. It was like…a saying. It goes like, “Those who can't teach…” No. “Those who can't do…” No. Am I right? “Those who can't teach…do…”
Dumb #20-something #2: Yes, you are so right. It's: “Those who can't teach, do.” I know that.
Dumb #20-something #1: Yeah. I mean, I just… (very quietly), I just really related to that sentence.
–35th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Dan
Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?
–College of Staten Island
Tourist #1: Oooh, let’s go in here!
Tourist #2: That’s a bank, you moron.
–Bank of America, Times Square
Overheard by: Allisa
Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: if walls had ears
Southern man: What the hell is a steak free-tes?
Southern woman: Oh honey, it’s a chicken fried steak and they probably serve it with grits. This is where famous people come to eat like real human beings.
Southern man: Well hell, they should call it somethin’ more respectable than Pasties.
–Pastis, 9th & Little W. 12th
Overheard by: Jack B. Nimble
Black chick #1: So you didn’t get the job?
Black chick #2: Nah, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have told them I drank when I was younger. I really didn’t drink.
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: max
