Guy #1: Why did the cops just pull that biker over?
Guy #2: I dunno, it’s what, 4AM? Maybe he got on his bike drunk or something…
Guy #1: He’s wearing his helmet and everything though.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that motorcycle is pretty fucking ugly. That orange shit on the fenders is a crime.
–Delancey & Ludlow
Overheard by: a jay
British chick: Now not only do I have to blow up Bank of America, I now have to blow up Macy’s.
–27th Street office
Teenage girl shaking her fist: Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chella
Woman: I feel like I’m in eastern Europe. This Duane Reade is ghetto.
–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th
Woman: So I was like, “Move your hand! What is this, Cinemax?”
–Times Square
A hobo picked out two girls on line and started insulting them. When the police came to get him he started again.
Hobo: See this is what the White Man does! They’ve gotta protect these little Jewish girls from Long Island, don’t give a shit about proud Black men like me.
Girl: I’m Puerto Rican and from Brooklyn.
He attempts to high five her as the cops escort him away.
Hobo: Right on, sister!
–19th & Broadway
Girl: Your breath is stinky.
Guy: Please. My breath is so fresh they should name a mint after it.
Girl: How about excre-mint?
–56th & 1st
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! How are you all today? My name is Sonny Payne–
Teen girl: And you’re just a Payne in the ass!
–F train
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen–
Woman: Ah God, I can’t take it this early.
–9 train
Player: Girl, your nose is like a Seinfeld episode.
–The Gate, Park Slope
A hobo sits with a HUNGRY JEW sign and begs: Lox, bagels, cream cheese? Lox, bagels, cream cheese?
–Broadway & 80th
Producer: Is Purim the holiday where they dress up? There was this little girl with an eyepatch and I was like, “Arr, you’re a pirate?” and her mom was like, “Actually, she had her eye put out.”
–27th street office
JAP on cell: I give up. I have been posting personal ads looking for “tall, dark and handsome” and all I ever end up with is “short, hairy, Jewish”. I guess I should just accept my fate.
–Starbucks, 48th & 3rd
Black guy: I ain’t Jewish, so I don’t be doin’ no Yom Kippur.
–D train
Overheard by: Nash Astor
Little Chinese girl: You don’t understand anything!…Just shut the hell up.
Passerby: I thought Asian kids were supposed to be polite.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Djlindee
Clerk: What’s in the box you’re shipping?
Customer: A computer.
Clerk: Where’s it going?
Customer: Spain.
Clerk: Is that domestic?
Customer: No, that’d be fairly international.
–Kinko’s, Duane Street
Overheard by: Joshua Cody
Girl: Bitch, for the last time, Spain is not part of Latin America!
–Columbia University dorm
Businesswoman: You know, I used to get worked up over that too, but it’s not my career. I don’t care anymore. Just pay me and don’t disrespect me, slap my ass, or call me “nigger”, and we’re cool.
–Quizno’s, 14th & 6th
Girl #1: That’s terrible!
Girl #2: Well, don’t ask me to tell you a Terri Schiavo joke and then get angry when it’s tasteless!
–12th & University
