Dude #1: So how’s the child prodigy?
Dude #2: Pretty good… He’s starting to roll over now.
Dude #1: Does he fart?
Dude #2: Ohhhh yeah… He does a lot of that.
–N 6th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Dude #1: So how’s the child prodigy?
Dude #2: Pretty good… He’s starting to roll over now.
Dude #1: Does he fart?
Dude #2: Ohhhh yeah… He does a lot of that.
–N 6th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Overly enthusiastic white dad: What are you saying no to?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you saying no to drugs?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you not saying no to drugs? Are you doing drugs?
–73rd between Broadway and West End
Overheard by: UpperWestsidette
Little old lady #1: That one woman raised four girls all by herself!
Little old lady #2: Imagine what that did for her sex drive.
–St. James Theater
Overheard by: It only helps if she’s an incestual pedophile.
Four-year-old daughter to father: Will you buy me a beer?
Father: I don’t know. Will you buy me a beer?
–82nd & Amsterdam
[A small girl in scarf hands end of scarf to babysitter, who is on the phone. Babysitter absentmindedly holds scarf. Little girl pulls away.].
Babysitter: No, honey, we’re going to go this way [tugs in other direction].
Little girl: But I want to choke myself!
Babysitter, not really paying attention: No, no…
Little girl: But I want to choke myself! [pulls away harder].
Babysitter, still vague: No, honey, that’s bad…
–Grand Central Station
Six-year-old hippie girl to babysitter: If it’s okay with you, can you take Tommy and I to Grey Dog, please?
Six-year-old preppy boy: What’s “Grey Dog”?
Six-year-old hippie girl: My favorite coffee shop.
–Bleecker & 6th Ave
Headline by: chubba
Runners-Up:
· “By the Time She Was 13 She Had a Favorite Abortion Clinic.” – DR G LUV
· “I Just Get The Cafe Au Breast Milk.” – cbeck
· “If It Was 1908, She’d Be Working in a Textile Factory” – Nate
· “The Lattes Come with Biodegradable Crazy Straws” – Kristen
· “Their Mom Had Caffinated Breast Milk” – Josh
Four-year-old, walking with father: I can spell “Ma-ma”.
Father, to himself: Bitch didn’t teach her how to spell my name, did she?
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.
–6 Train
Overheard by: POLA
Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!
–Harlem
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.
–University & 9th
Overheard by: Mary Crippen
Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: thats gross
Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!
–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?
–Elevator, Empire State Building
Eight-year-old-girl: What is aged cheese?
Dad: You age cheese to make it better.
Eight-year-old-girl: You do?
Dad: Like whiskey.
Eight-year-old-girl: Ahhhh, I see.
–Starbucks, 9th & 2nd
Girl: So do you have any kids?
Guy: No, but if I had a daughter I’d name her Kayla.
Girl: I know a Kayla. She’s a fucking crazy bitch.
–West 4th & 6th Ave
