Toddler in grocery cart seat: Do you know any songs?
Toddler in adjacent grocery cart seat (singing): I’ve been working of the F train, all the live long day, I’ve been working on the F train just to pass the time away; can’t you hear the whistle blowing, rise up so early in the ‘morn, can’t you hear the captain shouting, “stand clear of the closing doors!”
–Food Coop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Brooklyn, Baby!
Four-year-old boy to mom eating a Big Mac: Mommy, can I try some?
Mom: You won’t like it. It tastes like salad.
–McDonald’s, Broadway b/w Waverly and Astor Place
Overheard by: Jen
Little boy #1: I’m going to smash your bike!
Little boy #2: Well, if you smash my bike, I’m going to get a lawyer and sue you!
–Central Park
Little boy: Dad, can I get a sucker?
Dad: No.
Little boy: Please dad? Why not?
Dad: Suckers are for girls.
–Target Shopping Center
Overheard by: Alaina
Adolescent son to father: I’m worried about the essay section.
Father: Just BS it and you’ll be fine. If you’re like me you should be pretty good at BS-ing. Just write something like: “The current political situation in blah blah really makes me contemplate the mysteries of life.”
–1 Train
Overheard by: bildita
Brooklyn family court employee: What’s your daughter’s name?
Mother: Chicago.
Brooklyn family court employee: Like the state?
Mother: Yes.
–Brooklyn Family Court
Dude #1: So how’s the child prodigy?
Dude #2: Pretty good… He’s starting to roll over now.
Dude #1: Does he fart?
Dude #2: Ohhhh yeah… He does a lot of that.
–N 6th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Overly enthusiastic white dad: What are you saying no to?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you saying no to drugs?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you not saying no to drugs? Are you doing drugs?
–73rd between Broadway and West End
Overheard by: UpperWestsidette
Little old lady #1: That one woman raised four girls all by herself!
Little old lady #2: Imagine what that did for her sex drive.
–St. James Theater
Overheard by: It only helps if she’s an incestual pedophile.
Four-year-old daughter to father: Will you buy me a beer?
Father: I don’t know. Will you buy me a beer?
–82nd & Amsterdam
