At Least Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Young to Drive

Seven-year-old boy to friend: What are you, drunk or something?

–Union Square

Ten-year-old boy to mom: Let’s get drunk! [Starts dancing.]

–W 45th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jon A.

Dad to three-year-old: Well, I don’t know, will you buy me a beer?

–79th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: s h

[Tiny boy is making weird faces at the window.]Sister: Mommy, I think he’s drunk.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Becca

Trashy Boston girl: I love little children. They are like little drunk real people. Except that one, because she’s foreign.

–Madison Square Garden

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Kids, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Sisters, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners –Unclean! Unclean!

Eight-year-old boy to another: You usta play dirty house with her!

–E 9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Visibly annoyed ghetto-fab young lady, while loudly cracking her gum: They too many nationalities on this bus and most of them don’t be clean.

–57th St Bus

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Chick, looking at rat sipping from puddle: Eeeww, how can he drink that? It’s so dirty!

–6 Platform, Grand Central

Guy on escalator, to friend: … Dirty sandwich…

–E Train

Overheard by: M_C

Male student: Either you’re a dirty, stinking hippie, or you’re pretentious.

–Bard High School Early College Library

Thuggish hobo: Please! Somebody talk dirty to me!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Cleanliness, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Sexuality, Students, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park

You Don’t Have To– He Got Over It

Little boy: Did the Jews kill Jesus?
Tutor: No. It was the Romans.
Little boy: Aw, man! I hate the Romans! [angrily pounds fist on table]

–Community Center, 109th & Lexington

Overheard by: Drew

Posted on May 26, 2008
Boys, Default, History & Geography, Jesus, Judaism, Kids, Murder, Questions, Teachers/Professors, Upper East Side

…Not at That Woman’s Boobs

Tourist mom, talking extremely loud: Nature means happiness.
Five-year-old son: Why?
Tourist mom: Because nature means life -look at how beautiful nature is.
Five-year-old son: Whoa! Now that’s nature.
Tourist mom: The trees are nice; the road not so much… Look at the sea of trains…

–LIRR

Overheard by: JUSTSHUT UP!

Posted on May 25, 2008
Animals & Nature, Beauty, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Happiness, Kids, Moms, Philosophy, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Words

In the Drawer Next to Your Bed

Four-year-old to his mom: Do you have a penis?
Mom: No.
Four-year-old: Yes you do. I know you do. I saw it!

–Lombardi’s Pizza

Posted on May 25, 2008
Gender issues, Kids, Little Italy, Penis, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

We Can Only Enjoy the City Ironically

Boy, looking at table full of cheap souvenirs: Hey mom!
Embarrassed mom: No, those are for tourists. We live here!

–Near Trinity Church

Overheard by: amused tourist

Posted on May 24, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Shopping, Tourism, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

We Can Drunk-Dial Daddy at Work!

[Mother and four-year-old boy walking past liquor store]Mom: So we have to go to Duane Reade and… Oooh! Let’s get some wine.
Boy: Yeah!

–115th & Broadway

Posted on May 24, 2008
Boys, Default, Drinks, Kids, Moms, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

We’re Still Jews Though, Right?

Little boy: …I met another girl at school who is Mexican!
Mother: Colombian! We’re Colombian!

–65th & Riverside

Posted on May 24, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Elementary & Middle School, History & Geography, Kids, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…

–116th & Broadway

Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.

–Penn Station

Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.

–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!

–East Village

Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…

–Crwon Heights

Overheard by: Cuttie

Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.

–Essex & Rivington

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Friends, Jobs & Careers, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lower East Side, On Cell, Penn Station, Rich people, Sexuality, Students, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

Kids

We’re Still Jews Though, Right?