Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her.
–N train
Girl: What time is it, 5:30? I’m not even supposed to be out.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Because I’m in Milan!
–23rd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Sara
Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.
–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Jack
Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!
–Borders
Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.
–42nd & Broadway
Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!
–Wall St & Broadway
11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!
–E train, 50th St
Fat guy: I love you.
Cute girl: Do you really mean what you say, or are you just saying it?
Fat guy: Of course I mean it. [They make out, then chick leaves.] What a dumb bitch.
–W4 station
Overheard by: Ting
Woman on cell: I’m in the subway station right now. Yeah, I’m in the subway. See you soon.
–Urban Outfitters dressing room, 14th & 6th
Scruffy guy yelling into cell: Listen, man! I told you, I can’t make it. I’m in the middle of traffic in Queens… Yeah! On the fucking BQE!
–Union St & 5th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Grant
Woman on phone: I gotta go — I’m at Weight Watchers.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Bayside
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Suit on cell: Yo, I’m in Weehawken right now.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: gilmoregirl77
Resident on phone: I am just parking the car now — I should be home in 10 minutes.
–NY Presbyterian, 9th floor
Guy on cell: I’m sick today, I’m not coming in… I just got out of bed. [Cabs honk.] Maybe I’ll get in later…
–Outside Penn Station
Guy on cell: Hi, honey, how are you? I’m just here studying at the library… [Getting flustered] No, when Alex says he’s at the library he’s at the bar. When I say I’m at the library, I’m at the library. You know I don’t lie to you.
–Outside bar patio, Four Faced Liar, W 4th
Man #1: The only thing I don’t like about the job is all the lying I have to do.
Man #2: Yeah, but you’re a salesman.
Man #1: Yeah, I know.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: daver
Man on phone: I’m not saying it’s your fault. I am saying you’re a liar, but I’m not saying it’s your fault!
–10th & Broadway
Raving man with large headphones: The myth that once you have high blood pressure you have it for life is a lie! It’s a lie from the pit of hell!
–Bx15 bus
Girl on phone: Oh, no! That’s awful! I’m running! [Keeps walking slowly.]
–12th & 3rd
Lady suit on cell: Yeah, I’m at home. I’m not even dressed yet.
–Kinko’s, Court St, Brooklyn
Girl on cell: Mommy! My fake works! My fake ID!
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Lady on cell: No, Jack, we had six lovely kids… Just because we’re getting a divorce doesn’t mean our marriage was a complete waste of time. Anyway, yeah, I have to board my plane now… Bye [plays games on phone for 10 minutes].
–LaGuardia airport
Chick on cell walking down street: I’m already inside, dickhead!
–Mott St, Chinatown
Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.
–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: shankalicious
Headline by: greg
Runners-Up:
· “Like Creationism…” – Drew
· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak
· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth
· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris
· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy
Young woman: You felt me up while I was asleep!
Lying man: How do you know, if you were asleep?
Young woman: You stuck your fingers in my pussy while I was asleep!
Lying man: Why would I do that? There’s nothing in there that I was looking for.
Lying man’s lawyer: Come on, don’t argue with her.
Young woman: If they find your fingerprints in my pussy you’re going to jail, motherfucker!
Lying man, taunting: What if I wore gloves?
Young woman: Hear that? He confessed!
–Hallway, Supreme Court, Bronx
Overheard by: Big Larry
Janitor: I’m sorry, ma’am, you can’t wear boots on the equipment.
20-something woman wearing Uggs on elliptical machine: But these are orthopedic boots!
Janitor: I’m sorry, but it’s against policy to wear the boots on the machines.
20-something woman wearing Uggs: Why are you doing this to me?
–Dodge YMCA, Atlantic Ave
