Guido: Ya know, you’re very cute.
Asian chick: Um, thanks?
Guido: Wanna sit with me on the train?
Asian chick: No, I’m good.
Guido: Can I getcha numba?
Asian chick: Uh, no, sorry. I just converted. I, um, only go out with Asians now.
–Penn Station
Young Asian woman: That’s why your country has such a low birth rate. In Korea the men just club women over the head and drag them home.
Young Asian man: [Pausing] I don’t believe you.
–Tosca, The Met
Overheard by: busyboy
Little boy: No, I want them both! Mommy, you’re a loser!
Mommy: Are you calling Mommy a loser? Well, then you’re not getting
anything.
Little boy: No, I’m calling you a winner now! I love you!
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Overheard by: lindsey Lanpher
Hipster girl on cell: Kim, I’m such a spaz! I forgot it was Wednesday, and I forgot I was supposed to meet you for lunch. So I’m on the Upper East Side and —
Black guy yelling: No, you ain’t! You at Union Square, bitch!
Hipster girl on cell: –Sorry. I’m on the Upper East Side and I don’t have time to go downtown right now.
–Union Square
Indian guy: You better not buy me anything!
Slightly older Indian guy: Okay, I won't buy you anything. C'mon.
Indian guy: Where are we going?
Slightly older Indian: We're going to the dark alley.
Indian guy: The place I really like?
Slightly older Indian : No, the place I really like.
–138th St & Amsterdam Ave
Heavyset guy: Hey, I don't mind telling you. I'm a psychopath. I don't give a fuck about people.
Woman in wheelchair-scooter: Mm-hmm. Oh, I know.
Heavyset guy: Yeah, I just I don't give a fuck. I'll be a psychopath till the day I die, and I don't even care. I'm not gonna lie about it.
–Lenox & 129th
Teen girl: You know what I don’t get?
Preppy friend: What?
Teen girl: If Mary was a virgin, how did she get pregnant?
Preppy friend: Uh…I think a white dove came down and landed on her.
Teen girl: … And where did it land?
Preppy friend: On her shoulder.
Teen girl: So a dove–
Preppy friend: A white dove. Impregnated mary on her shoulder. Yeah.
Teen girl: Who told you that?
Preppy friend: Sara, in Geometry.
Teen girl: … Sara is Jewish, you idiot!
–McDonald’s, Park Ave
Little girl: Mommy, can you please get me a balloon?
Mother: I’m sorry dear, but they don’t make them anymore.
–14th Street & 8th Avenue
Overheard by: cyrus forman
Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!
–28th & Park
Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.
–The Village
Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…
–LIRR
Overheard by: tanechka
Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit
Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.
–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: Shadey
Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.
–Sullivan St, Soho
Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!
–6 train
Overheard by: xan
Excited am paperman: Am! Get your am!
Disgruntled metro man, quietly to passersby: Metro… Am is full of lies.
–53rd & Lexington
