Lies

America's First Black Wednesday One-Liners

Tranny heading toward Halloween parade, seeing Sarah Palin costume: Oh my god! That's the lady President, right? The assistant President!

–W 4th St Subway Station

(muslim hot dog vendor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mommy! Barack Obama!

–W 60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Brian

Thug, to hot girl passing by: Hey! Yo, girl, excuse me! (she keeps walking) So, you're voting for McCain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex A.

Little girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he's the first black person to run against Bush.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Dana

Sidewalk watch vendor: These are the watches Obama wore before he became Senator!

–33rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: crosstown girl

Little black girl trick-or-treating with family: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Obama! Obama!

–Pacific St & Nostrand

Overheard by: Obama Now!

And an Angry Mob With Torches

Tourist: So where is Central Park?
Girl: Uhm, right there. (points)
Tourist: Ah! That would explain why that big space has no lights…

–Rockefeller Observation Deck

Overheard by: Bre

Looking for Booty, No Doubt

Drunk girl: Excuse me… Excuse me, sir. A lady pirate in the next car just violated me. She slid her sword down my skirt, man! For real — she was a fuckin’ pirate! There’s a whole bunch of pirates in the next car!

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: Jesse

My Favorite's “You Did This to Me!”

Beautiful woman #1: I learned to scream out lies over the phone.
Beautiful woman #2: I know what you mean.

–Columbus & 71st St

Overheard by: chocolate happy

Wednesday One-Liners Refuse A Polygraph

Guy: Yeah, and he lied to me about dying, too!

–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn

Girl: So what is your name going to be tonight?

–6th Ave & 57th St

Queer on cell: She tried to tell me that I was fatter than him — that muthafucka is the worst liar in the world!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: She was probably right…

Guy: I just told her, ‘Keep on fakin’ those orgasms!’

–7th Ave & 32nd St

Suit on cell in McDonald’s: Yeah, well, I’m in Connecticut right now…

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Blaine

Conductor: There’s another local train directly behind this one. I would never lie to you.

–W train to Astoria

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Man exiting taxi: If anyone asks, we walked!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Kyle

I’ve Just Dated a Lot of Guys Who Really Loved Me

Queer: So, yeah, I told him I cheated on him.
Fag hag: Oh… So you don’t really love him, then.
Queer: You think so?
Fag hag: Oh, darling. When you really love someone…
Queer: I know, I know, you don’t cheat on them.
Fag hag: No! When you really love someone, you cheat and never tell.
Queer: You’re so ahead of me.

–Mercer & Broome St

Wednesday One-Liners, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Drunk British chick: She clucked and mooed, so I said twelve.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sam Jerman

Guy on cell: Did you know that one out of six people with scoliosis die every day? Yeah, I know… Ha! No, I’m just kidding. I made that up.

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Jay

Dude to chick: On a scale from one to cookie… you’re a seven.

–Central Park

Loud lady: I mean, how many times did I have my head between Greg’s legs? Only 12 or 13 times! Not that many times.

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

Overheard by: tmoney

Black teen to his friends: Yo, I read the Bible nine times, and that shit contradicted itself like a motherfucker!

–Broadway & Steinway, Astoria

Lies That Come Back to de Fetus

Girl: See, so what we learned tonight is that lying pays off!
Guy: I think that’s too broad of a statement.
Girl: Okay, what we learned tonight is that lying about pregnancy pays off.
Guy: I’ll give you that.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Streetwalker

“…and by ‘Fort Lauderdale’, I mean ‘Bayside’.”

Man on cell: I’ll be in Fort Lauderdale in 2 hours, wait for me.

–34th & 8th

Nah, I'm Too Depressed to Hypothesize

Dominican guy: I really like your haircut.
Brooklyn guy: Yeah, the women at work really liked it, but I never take anything they say seriously because I know how ugly I am.
Dominican guy: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know like when women say “I want to be with you,” but they really don't do that…
Brooklyn guy: Okay, this is the only thing that is going to be true of what I say from now on. Every girl I asked out has said yes, but didn't mean it.
Dominican guy: Is this a hypothetical situation?

–Harlem

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