Teen: What’s the big difference between this and the Holocaust Museum?
–Darwin Exhibit, Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Doug Gordon
Guy: And he just kept talking about masturbating in the Guggenheim.
–2nd Ave, between 4th & 5th
Overheard by: Bradford
MoMA security guard: No, we just have modern art here.
–MoMA
Overheard by: -=Ed.
Dude #1: Have you heard of the sleeper?
Dude #2: No, what’s that?
Dude #1: It’s when you sit on your hand for five minutes then rub one out. It feels like someone else is jerking you off.
Dude #2: I’m trying that as soon as I get home man, thanks!
–Mulberry St, Chinatown
Overheard by: Jewess Jay
Twentysomething girl #1: Why didn’t you go in his room and see if he was home?
Twentysomething girl #2: So I could go in there and see him with his dick out? Porn all over the place, passed out like he exhausted himself? I’m good. No thanks.
–33rd St. PATH train
Overheard by: Teen
Suit: When you’re 25 and you measure your hourly rate in three digits it takes a hell of a lot of grief to not make it worthwhile.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Gabriel Stempinski
Hipster girl #1: …So now I feel really uncomfortable whenever I’m around him.
Hipster girl #2: Why? ‘Cause you had dream sex with him?
–L train
Overheard by: master overhear-er
Conductor #1: I have to head back to check out a problem.
Conductor #2: What’s the problem?
Conductor #1: Apparently some guy is masturbating in his seat.
Conductor #3: Could you two please switch to another channel?
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Steve Ross
Girl #1: It would be so crazy if we were all in an alternate universe and then saw ourselves hanging out here like we always do.
Guy: Then you would have to have sex with yourself.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: I mean, if I could have sex with myself, I probably would.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Adrienne Walters
Construction guy: Well, she didn’t sound Chinese over the phone.
–Fulton & William
Teen girl: Now what she needs is a razor dildo.
–93rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Alissa R.
Old man: You think Hillary Clinton could be president? You’re out
of your mind. Hillary Clinton couldn’t get arrested in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifties. She’s ugly, she’s stupid and she has a big fat ass. She’s like a Hitler in female. All right, I’ll stop now and be a gentleman.
Guy: Okay.
Old man: Any Democrat on this train who thinks Hillary Clinton could be president is masturbating in their mind. All one hundred of them.
Guy: You have a nice night.
–R train
Overheard by: Dave and Lauren
