Guy #1: I love her so much…I won’t even jack off to her.
Guy #2: I guess I don’t love her as much as you do.
–Broadway & Thames
Guy #1: I love her so much…I won’t even jack off to her.
Guy #2: I guess I don’t love her as much as you do.
–Broadway & Thames
Guard dude #1: There’s a guy over there touching himself again.
Guard dude #2: What, the same one as before?
Guard dude #1: Yeah.
–New York Public Library Main Branch, 42th & 5th
Overheard by: Rob
Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.
–City Hall Park
Headline by: Lord Pervdevert
Runners-Up:
· “Nice.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “And That’s Why You Couldn’t Meet My Parents?” – Gerard
· “Best 13th Birthday Ever” – downtown
· “Just Another Night for JK Rowling” – Suzy
· “Rookie” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “Underage or Underloved?” – em
Guy #1: Hey, where did you find this eraser?
Guy #2: On that table over there.
Guy #1: Eww, it might have semen on it!
–Polytechnic University, Brooklyn
Queer #1: Diversity is the spice of life. If everyone was like us, it would be so masturbating and boring–
Queer #2: Like us? Are you kidding? It would be fantastic!
–112th & Broadway
Teenage lesbian: Yes you are, you're the weirdest person I ever met. You think I'm going to invite other people over when we already have plans, and you masturbate even when you get no sexual enjoyment out of it!
Teenage lesbian friend: I am not a fapper!
–W 59th St & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: that must be terrible
Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?
–47th & Lex
Guy: I mean, eating your own cum is one thing, but eating it on a pizza four hours later? I should probably keep my voice down…
–43rd & 8th
Girl #1: You know how I knew I was back home? I saw a Duane Reade.
Girl #2: Yeah, they don’t have those out there.
Girl #1: No, actually, you know how I knew I was home? I saw a crackhead on my block jerking off as he was walking. Then, I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m home.’
–6 train near 23rd St
Overheard by: Kathy
Girl: The other day I saw a homeless guy masturbating in Union Square Park.
Guy: Well, where else was he going to do it?
–Third Avenue North Residence, 3rd Avenue
