Man: Do you need some help with that stroller, Miss?
Mom to kid in stroller: This ain’t no Bum-a-Ride — get up, fool.
–A train, Rockaway Blvd
Man: Do you need some help with that stroller, Miss?
Mom to kid in stroller: This ain’t no Bum-a-Ride — get up, fool.
–A train, Rockaway Blvd
Extremely obese Tourette’s woman: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuckin’ fuck!
Little girl: Why is that lady shouting?
Mother: She’s probably upset about something.
Little girl: Maybe she ran out of pineapple and forgot to get more at the store. Or maybe her undershirt itches. Or maybe her gerbil is sick.
–A Train
Mother: I ran into cousin Seth here the other day.
Two-year-old son: You mean, you hit heads? (taps forehead)
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Mom: So, what kind of animals do you think we will see at the zoo?
Small boy: I think elephants and snakes… Mom? Are there also pretend things there, like dinosaurs and God?
Mom: I think we need to have a talk when we get home.
–N train near Union Square
Overbearing mother, discussing wedding registry: Get a teapot.
Obnoxious squeaky-voiced bride-to-be: But I don't drink tea!
Overbearing mother: Someone might come over who does. Get a coffee thing, too.
Obnoxious squeaky-voiced bride-to-be: But I don't know how to make coffee! That's what Starbucks is for!
–Bouchon Bakery, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: office peon
Yuppie mom: We’re never riding the subway again.
Little girl: Why?
Yuppie mom: Everyone keeps hitting you on the head.
Little girl: So? I love the subway.
Yuppie mom: Well, the subway doesn’t love you.
–Times Square
Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)
–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ’em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory
Mom: Shit, I ain’t paying for peak hours.
Tween girl: I can hide in the bathroom.
Mom: Or you can flash him.
–LIRR
Overheard by: bekarloohoo
Mother: Just a few more blocks, honey.
Six-year-old girl: Oh… Okay.
(a few seconds later)
Six-year-old girl: Mommy, I really need to go now.
Mother: Just a few more blocks, Angie. A few more blocks.
Six-year-old girl: But mom, I can't wait.
Mother: You're doing good, Angie. Just a few more blocks. Calm down.
(long pause)
Six-year-old girl: Mommy!
Mother, annoyed: What?
Girl: It's… coming out of my vagina!
–E 86th St
Overheard by: Dylan Sparrow
Girl: Hang on… (bends over to tie shoe in middle of crowd)
Appalled mother: Don't do that! This is New York. You could get pregnant!
–Mulberry & Hester, Little Italy
Overheard by: Mark
