Guy, to girl: …and when I told her it was an espresso she said she hadn’t ordered that. She said she had ordered coffee.
Guy and girl, at the same time: An espresso is coffee!
Guy: And then she said: “Can I get some milk for this?”
Girl: Oh my god, are you serious?
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Hannah
Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.
–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway
Overheard by: eliza
Food vendor: What would you like?
Customer: What is the difference between a knish and a hot dog?
Food vendor: A knish is delish and the hot dog is a hot dog.
Customer: A knish is delish? Well, I will have the knish please.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Tang
[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!
–Diner, Upper East Side
Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that’s why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can’t think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well.
–69th St
Headline by: Moon
Runners-Up:
· “And Yet, You’re Not on Your Knees…” – Katie Darling
· “Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan” – CV
· “Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk” – john
· “Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?” – phox
· “Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed” – engsci
· “Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth” – samson
· “Sally’s Gaydar Works Again!” – Sara Irene
· “Save It for the Next Election, Hillary” – NR
· “What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?” – rudy valahan
Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.
–1 Train
Way too loud girl: I mean, if you want my poontang you gotta get my friends drunk too!
Friends: Word!
–6th Ave & Grand St
Polite Japanese tourist: Excuse me, please. Can you give direction to Empire State Building?
Angry old man: Hell, no. It’s not like you people needed goddam directions to get to Pearl Harbor.
–Broadway
Overheard by: He’s sorta right
(After the recent spate of terrorist attacks the TSA decided to stop allowing liquids past the security gate)
TSA agent: I’m sorry, miss. You can’t bring coffee past the security checkpoint.
Lady in a hurry: It’s okay, it’s tea.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: John M.
Girl #1: So, you didn’t go to the show?
Girl #2: Hell no.
Girl #1: My boyfriend tried to make me go.
Girl #2: Why would I want to go? I’ve slept with like, everyone there. Like I need to see a close up of all of the STDs I’ve narrowly avoided?
–Double Down, Houston & A
