Wednesday One-Liners Are in It for the 72 Virgins

Hobo: The best way to fight terrorism is not with guns and bombs, but with beer and porno. Beer and porno!

–34th & 3rd

Man walking a black terrier to woman walking a brown terrier: Do you think the word "terrorist" came from the word "terrier"?

–22nd & 2nd

Grand Central loudspeaker: Will Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk… Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk.

–Grand Central Food Court

Overheard by: Reilly

Black guy: How the fuck can you curse a stadium? With a shirt? How the fuck do you do that? Tell me how that’s done! Y’all warlocks and shit? Ain’t no one can curse no one else. Cause none of you are warlocks! And if you were a fucking warlock why you cursing the fucking Yankees? Fuck, why don’t we curse Bin Laden? Send him a shirt?

–Downtown E Train

Overheard by: Withnail

Mom to child: You’ll either become a terrorist or a smelly homeless person! (child lowers his head in shame)

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Passerby

Hobo: Bush is a terrorist. Him and his father blew up WTC. (looks at Asian man) Jackie Chan is my friend. When you go to Hong Kong, tell him I said hi.

–7 Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Clothing, Crazy, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Men, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Porn, President, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Terrorism, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, War, We Love Our Pets, Words

Wednesdays and the One-Liners Who Hate Them

Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.

–Something Else, Park Slope

Overheard by: jayloo

White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.

–W 57th & 11th

Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.

–Astoria-Bound N Train

Overheard by: Ben

Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.

–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope

Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.

–Port Washington Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People

Good–Then You’ve Passed the Test

Super-drunk girl to girlfriend: Let’s make out!
Not-so-drunk girl: (awkward laughter)
Super-drunk girl: (loud drunken laughter) Wanna make out?
Not-so-drunk girl: Not at all!

–1st Ave b/w 7th & 8th

Posted on June 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village

No New York Jury Would Convict Me of Murdering Her

Guy, to girl: …and when I told her it was an espresso she said she hadn’t ordered that. She said she had ordered coffee.
Guy and girl, at the same time: An espresso is coffee!
Guy: And then she said: “Can I get some milk for this?”
Girl: Oh my god, are you serious?

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on June 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Coffee, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Stupidity, The Village, Weirdness

We Paid a Lot of Money to Get You Into That School for Mutes

Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.

–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: eliza

Posted on June 24, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

If Mel Brooks Were a Food Vendor

Food vendor: What would you like?
Customer: What is the difference between a knish and a hot dog?
Food vendor: A knish is delish and the hot dog is a hot dog.
Customer: A knish is delish? Well, I will have the knish please.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Tang

Posted on June 23, 2008
Customers, Default, Ethnic Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Madison Square Garden, Offers and requests, Questions, Vendors & Street Performers

Wasn’t That What We Agreed Upon Online?

[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!

–Diner, Upper East Side

Posted on June 23, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Gripes, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side

And Thus, the Backwards Cowgirl Was Born

Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that’s why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can’t think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well.

–69th St

Headline by: Moon

Runners-Up:
· “And Yet, You’re Not on Your Knees…” – Katie Darling
· “Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan” – CV
· “Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk” – john
· “Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?” – phox
· “Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed” – engsci
· “Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth” – samson
· “Sally’s Gaydar Works Again!” – Sara Irene
· “Save It for the Next Election, Hillary” – NR
· “What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?” – rudy valahan

Click here to see the new Headline Contest