Offers and requests

Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Fannypacks and Re-fold Their Maps

Hyper tourist to friend: Wow! A shoe repair shop? Can we go? Please? Come on, don't you have some shoes you want shined?

–74th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

Enlightened tourist: Oh! So Broadway's not just one place? It's a series of buildings? Oh, I see!

–46th & Broadway

Tourist woman walking off Brooklyn Bridge: Wow, look at how nice this is! I can't believe we paid only $24 for it!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: D-Law

Tourist to another: There are so many yellow cars in New York City.

–42nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Lisa

Tourist: Not until high school did I know buses could make turns!

–E Train

Overheard by: Probably had to repeat a few grades

Tourist exiting subway: Did anyone lose a pass? Because I just found one.

–103rd & Broadway

All Of a Sudden, I'm Oddly Aroused.

Blonde #1, playing Mad Libs on train: Okay, give me an adverb.
Blonde #2: Wait, which one is that? I always get that confused with adjectives, or whatever.
Blonde #1: Adjectives describe things. Like saying a guy is hot, or something. Adverbs describe like, actions and stuff. Okay? So, gimme an adverb.
Blonde #2: Vibration. Does that count?
Blonde #3: Well, let's put “vibratorily.”

–Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Highly Entertained

…But How About a Smidge Darker, Like My Soul?

Cashier: What can I get for you?
Black woman: I'd like a bagel, toasted. Can you do that? (cashier looks confused) Ya know, like my skin? Really dark?
Cashier: Uh, sure.

–Bagel Express

Overheard by: can you do it like my skin to?

Because I'm Thinking About Going Straight Edge

Emo band boy to groupie hooking up with another band member: Ew! Gross guys, you guys are right next to me!
Groupie: You wanna join?
Emo band boy: So… then you two aren't exclusive?

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: NotAGroupie

Reason #2948 to Have a Gay Friend

Doctor #1: So when are you leaving for England?
Doctor #2: Oh, not till next week.
Doctor #1: Oh my god, then we can totally have a tea party!

–Children's Hospital

Overheard by: i want a tea party

Dear Miss Manners– What Would a Polite Young Lady Say in Response?

Street hustler: Ladies, wanna get pregnant? Try angel.
Girl in group of three: Did he just ask if we wanted to get pregnant?

–36th & 7th

Overheard by: dani solina

Because It's My Turn

Person #1: Just take your pants off and try… please?
Person #2: No, I don't want to.
Person #1: Then why are you holding yourself?

–FAO Schwartz, 5th Ave

…Or Am I Thinking Of 2001-2008?

Queer #1: Let's go see a movie.
Queer #2: Okay… What do you want to see?
Queer #1: Let's go see Milk.
Queer #2: Isn't that about a retarded man who becomes President?

–Cosi, 15th St

If You Like This Quote, You'll Love Gaby Hoffmann and Christina Ricci in 200 Cigarettes

Drunk suburban girl: Come on! Let's go dance around in the fountain and take pictures of it! I love this city!
Begrudgingly sober suburban girl: Fuck this city. If we don't make the 12:37 back I'm going to drown you in that fountain.

–W 48th St

Why There Is No Market for Male Thongs: In a Nutshell.

Irate gangster, following a scared-looking passenger: Excuse me, sir, would you like a wedgie? Sir! Excuse me! Would you like a wedgie?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jane and Brian

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