Toddler girl: Penis!
–The Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Ally
Guy talking to two male friends: Shut up! Shut the fuck up! If you don’t want to put your dick in my mouth, that’s OK, but shut up!
–Downtown A train platform, W. 4th St
Overheard by: miss professor
Hipster guy on phone: No, no, no, no that is the sound that they said my penis made when it died.
–Morgan & Grattan, East Williamsburg
Mature woman to mature husband, going in to see The Light in the Piazza: Piazza — it means “little pizza.”
–Beaumont Theatre, Lincoln Center
Girl on cell: … a roma tomato, lime… I mean lemon, either one… omigosh, this is the wrong number! [hangs up]
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy: [something in Spanish]… how do you say “altar boy”? You know, the ones whose little dicks the priest sucks?
–7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jenny B
Guy to buddies: This chick was so ugly I wouldn’t want to cum on her face.
–Off the Wagon
Hipster chick: I am so glad my ex-boyfriend and I have become friends again. I mean, I know he sued me and everything, but it just feels so good.
–Brooklyn Lyceum
Man: Isn’t “volvo” the medical term for a vagina?
–Jacob Javits Center
Overheard by: Tesla
Chick on cell: I woke up the next morning and there was a thong that said “eat me” on it in my bag!
–Warren Hall, Columbia Law School
Queer: This place is way gayer than last time.
–XL, West 16th street
Overheard by: straight girl
Dude: I’ve fired 3 people in the last 2 weeks. One girl was fat. But she didn’t know it. She would come into work with her belly falling out of her shirt. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
–NYSC, 38th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aimee
