Ghetto dad to little boy wearing knight's helmet: I don't know who the fuck's son you are, but I love you.
Little boy, muffled through helmet: I luf you do!
–3rd Ave & 9th St
Ghetto dad to little boy wearing knight's helmet: I don't know who the fuck's son you are, but I love you.
Little boy, muffled through helmet: I luf you do!
–3rd Ave & 9th St
Father to son: Son, I love you, fuckface!
Son to father: I love you too.
–37th & 4th
Overheard by: Jonas Puer
Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.
–Williamsburg
Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.
–Penn Station
Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: J Harmony
Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?
–8th & 34th
Overheard by: Bret B
Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Young son: Mom, you know I puke when you make me sit in the back of the bus.
Irritated Jewish mother: Just sit down.
Young son: Then… don't come crying to me when I throw up on you!
–M5 Bus
Little girl to mother: Look, mommy! The squirrels are black, like the people are!
Mother: Be quiet! That's rude! (to bystanders) She just learned colors in pre-school.
–Bronx Zoo
Little girl: Mommy, my tummy hurts!
Mom: That's what happens when you only eat nachos and Shirley Temples.
–74th & Columbus
Adorable four-year-old girl, singing: Daddy! Youuuuu/ you make me flyyy!
Doting father: Awwwwwww!
Adorable four-year-old girl: I farted.
–6th Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: Jessica
Little boy: Mommy, mommy!
Mom: What?
Little boy: Can I please have this? (holds up Transformers toy)
Mom, laughing: Yeah, the tooth fairy's gonna have to come a lot more for you to afford that.
–Target
Teeny tiny gay guy: I used to be so skinny in high school.
–Staten Island
Teenage girl to another: I mean, why bother to eat anything if you're just gonna shit it all out?
–L Train
Woman carrying baby to friend: Also, I burn an extra 500 calories a day just by breastfeeding!
–5th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: Tracy
20-something guy, about Sour Patch Kids gummy candy: They're fat-free, so they're good for you!
–4 Train
Six-year-old girl, eating bagel: All of the fat from this is going to go straight to my ass!
–A Train
Overheard by: that's just great
Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check.
–Williamsburg
Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican!
–Spring St
Overheard by: Brigdh
Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread.
–5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn
Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!"
–Union Pool, Williamsburg
