Middle school kid: I feel real horny today.
Middle school kid's mom: Me too!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: poobear
Middle school kid: I feel real horny today.
Middle school kid's mom: Me too!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: poobear
Mother, pointing out seat to four-year-old daughter: Sit down there, honey. Don't touch anything.
Daughter, indicating her seat: Did you see? I touched it and then I licked my hand.
–F Train
Overheard by: Southern Discomforts
Woman to man she just met: I live in Brooklyn, and I'm on my way to see my man in the Bronx. My mother said to me, “must be some kinda love if you travel all the way to the Bronx for a man!”
Man: Uh-huh! That's right! It's got to be good lovin', too!
Woman: You know what I'm saying? Don't talk to me 'bout no headache, 'cause I can't do this everyday!
–1 Train
Theater geek: So I was looking at auditions for this post-apocalyptic drama, and the ad said, "we're looking for men, all shapes and sizes. Actually no, you have to be ridiculously skinny, totally emaciated, on the verge of death. And… oh yeah, you have to have stringy hair. And be really bony. And my dad said, "you definitely need to try out for this!"
–TKTS Booth, Times Square
Overheard by: Not Emaciated
Guy: No, I didn't do the graphics–I mean, the play's about Adam and Eve, but do they put naked people on the postcard to sell tickets? No, they have a cartoon of an apple. I don't understand.
–Minetta Lane Theater
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Bathroom attendant at West Side Story: C'mon, people! Short line, long intermission! (toilet flushes) Hear that? That's music to somebody's bladder!
–Palace Theatre
Overheard by: Maggie
Audience member, at interval of Aida: Hey, this is better than Grease!
–Metropolitan Opera
Disgruntled usher: I swear by every god of Jupiter that these are your seats.
–The Ambassador Theatre, 49th & Broadway
Overheard by: The Moons of Jupiter Were Already Spoken For
Mother to bouncing daughter: No, you can not look in that window! Do you want to be a Peeping Tom?
Daughter: Let me see! Let me see!
–Redhook, Brooklyn
Dad to seven-year-old: Do you want to see 2012?
Seven-year-old: God, no. Who directed it? Michael Bay?
–Regal Theater, 14th St
Little girl with large nose and pink jacket: Mommy, why is it cold out?
Mom with large nose wearing blue parka: Because your father is an asshole!
–F Train
Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here.
–186th St & Bennet Ave
Overheard by: Rina
Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: MR T
Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer.
–Union Square
Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together.
–Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave
Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'!
–Greenmarket
Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.
–Lincoln Center, Fordham University
Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!
–Fordham Plaza
Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!
–A Train
Overheard by: Kirstie
Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…
–J Train
Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?
–34th & 28th
Child, playing with friends: Shut up, goddam it! I said shut up!
Mother: Keep your voice down, mommy has a headache.
–6BC Community Garden
Overheard by: Sara
