Woman: It’s going to be a 20 minute wait.
Man: Why don’t you go use the restrooms now?
Woman: It’s okay, I can wait 20 minutes.
Man: If you shit your pants in public again, I’m going to fucking kill
you.
–Veselka, 2nd Avenue
Woman: It’s going to be a 20 minute wait.
Man: Why don’t you go use the restrooms now?
Woman: It’s okay, I can wait 20 minutes.
Man: If you shit your pants in public again, I’m going to fucking kill
you.
–Veselka, 2nd Avenue
Hobo: Oh, you gonna work this car?
Activist guy: Yeah, I got kinda like a political thing goin’ on here. I hope you don’t mind if I work here.
Hobo: A’right, fine, whateva.
–6 train
Overheard by: shahid waseem
Hobo: Hey, I’m not selling candy for the basketball team. I’m not selling candy for the football team. I’m not selling candy for the afterschool program. In fact, I’m not selling anything. I just want your money so I can buy pot and beer and crack. And Viagara. I hear you need Viagara when you’re on the crack…Hi, miss. You have the prettiest eyes I’ve seen in 20 minutes…You, no! Get out. I am working this car. Get out. No candy!
–5 train
Old woman: I was only a bridesmaid once, and the dresses were just impossible. The color was this menopause blue!
–Jojo, East 64th Street
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
Chick: I got drunk and forgot to take out my last tampon; when the doctor fished it out it was all gray and smelled like Alpo.
–6 train
Hobo: Hey man, you got some change? I’m saving up for a bag of weed?
Guy: No! I prefer to pay for it myself!
Hobo: Yeah?…Well, I don’t!
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Man: You dropped something.
Teen girl: What?
Man: You dropped something.
Teen girl: No, I didn’t.
Man: Yeah, you did…You dropped my heart.
Teen girl: Well, pick it up and put it back in.
–90th between Columbus & Amsterdam
Woman: What ever happened to Ceci?
Man: Ceci?
Woman: Yeah, Ceci. That little girl that got her fingers cut off. The pretty little crackhead with the beautiful soul.
–116th & Frederick Douglass
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Junkie lady: Wow, that thing is nice, what year is it?
Yuppie guy: ’06, I just got it.
Junkie lady: ’06? That shit ain’t even here yet. You better put that in a garage, nigga!
Yuppie guy: I don’t have money for that or for you.
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Art Vandelay
Speaker girl: Any questions?
Audience girl: Were you able to find out about how much women paid for the abortion procedures?
Speaker girl: About $200 a pop.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Julia Kite
Bags woman: Ladies…Gucci, Prada, Louis! Ladies…
Hot dog guy: Ladies, get your Gucci hot dogs here…Prada hot dogs!
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Lori
Indian guy: Yo, I never told you I almost became a monk.
White guy: Shut up. You serious?
Indian guy: For real. I was this close. Before I applied for colleges, I checked out what you had to do to become a monk.
White guy: I couldn’t picture you as a monk. You don’t even go to church.
Indian guy: I know, right? I found out that they don’t allow piercings so I never applied.
–6 train
Overheard by: Yasmin Henning
