Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.
–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St
Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.
–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St
Girl #1: You wanna try some of my tuna roll?
Girl #2: No, that’s okay. I’ll just eat my box.
–Sushiya, 56th & 5th
Overheard by: Reina
Man, waking up: What stop is this?
Fellow passenger: 125th Street
Man: What time is it?!
Fellow passenger: 8 o’clock.
Man: Oh dear God! [Runs off train]
–Uptown A train, 125th St
Little boy, looking at transvestite: Daddy, is that a boy or a girl?
Dad: It’s a boy.
Little boy: But boys don’t wear dresses!
Transvestite: Child, you got a lot to learn.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Jeremy
White chick: Hey! Enough with the pushing already!
Indian woman: No! No! No! This is not your living room. This is rush hour–so I pooosh and pooosh!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Queer #1: I’d rather lose my legs than my hands.
Queer #2: I could probably lose a couple of fingers and still be happy.
Queer #1: What if you lost your dick?
Queer #2: I’d just turn it in and make a vagina.
Queer #1: So you’d basically turn yourself into a woman?
Queer #2: No, I’d still be a man, but with a vagina.
Queer #1: But you wouldn’t feel anything.
Queer #2: I’d still use it.
–34th & 2nd
Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!
–189th St
Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.
–Red Hook
Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Madhu Maganti
Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.
–Park Avenue & 29th Street
Overheard by: 11221
Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.
–Times Square
Overheard by: laura
Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!
–Sephora, Times Square
Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.
–Bed-Stuy
Virgin-For-Life: Clark Kent and Kal-El are the same goddamn thing, Joey! We are not having this conversation again! Jesus Christ! I’m going home!
–Coney Island
20-Something Virgin-For-Life, noticing guy with Superman t-shirt: Look! That’s who I wanna be when I grow up! Clark Kent! Imagine just taking a suit off and becoming a superhero.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Guy With Superman t-shirt
Virgin-For-Life: The intestinal epithelium is my dream tissue.
–Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the Bronx
Overheard by: Joshua Drumm
Virgin-For-Life: He’s really sharp. He’s like the head of Voltron.
–23rd between 5th & 6th
Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.
–L train
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.
–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave
Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!
–112th & Amsterdam
Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: I went at home
Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!
–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yesenia
8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!
–Green St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: twelvis
