Guy: They had to cut off my favorite jeans, and my Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!! hoodie. I was pissed, man. I made that thing myself. I put the pixelated blood on it and everything. I would have said
something, but you know, I was kind of unconscious.
–Canal Street 6 station
Overheard by: Caitlyn Howell
Dad: Did you bring your book?
Teen boy: Yeah.
Dad: Oh good; that way we don’t have to talk.
–Tekserve, West 23rd Street
Overheard by: Bethany Murphy
Teen Asian boy: So, the spelling bee–
Teen Indian girl: Was one of the kids Indian?
Teen Asian boy: Yeah, there was an Indian kid and a white kid.
Teen Indian girl: So typical. My parents entered me in a spelling bee and I was fucking horrible.
Teen Asian boy: Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, there were those two kids and I just wanted to throw PlayStations at them and yell, “I’m setting you free! I’m setting you free!”
–McDonalds, Union Square
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Woman: I don’t even know why we’re here. All the characters do in this show is run around and sing stupid songs.
–Majestic Theatre, West 44th Street
Little boy: You know what the problem is with clowns these days? They
try and do magic, too.
–Target, Atlantic Center
Overheard by: Mater Baiter
Hobo: Do you have some change for a homeless man?
Suit: Sorry.
Hobo: Fucking faggot!
Suit: I’m a fucking fag with a warm house.
–Brooklyn Heights
Girl: Well, as a lesbian, it’s not something I understand…
Guy: You mean, she’s a size queen?
Girl: I didn’t say that…but I don’t get it.
Guy: I don’t get it either. I mean, I’ve slammed into someone’s cervix, and it didn’t look like that was too fun for her.
Girl: Well, I guess you have nothing to worry about.
–Under The Volcano, East 36th Street
Hobo: Oh, you gonna work this car?
Activist guy: Yeah, I got kinda like a political thing goin’ on here. I hope you don’t mind if I work here.
Hobo: A’right, fine, whateva.
–6 train
Overheard by: shahid waseem
Hobo: Hey, I’m not selling candy for the basketball team. I’m not selling candy for the football team. I’m not selling candy for the afterschool program. In fact, I’m not selling anything. I just want your money so I can buy pot and beer and crack. And Viagara. I hear you need Viagara when you’re on the crack…Hi, miss. You have the prettiest eyes I’ve seen in 20 minutes…You, no! Get out. I am working this car. Get out. No candy!
–5 train
Old woman: I was only a bridesmaid once, and the dresses were just impossible. The color was this menopause blue!
–Jojo, East 64th Street
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
Chick: I got drunk and forgot to take out my last tampon; when the doctor fished it out it was all gray and smelled like Alpo.
–6 train
