Woman #1: Oh, hi. How are you?
Woman #2: Oh… Okay… I think I have diarrhea.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: vm
Woman #1: Oh, hi. How are you?
Woman #2: Oh… Okay… I think I have diarrhea.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: vm
White guy with dreads: Think about this — taking a shit is the one thing in which all people of all races, sexes and religions are truly equal.
Hippie girl: Not exactly. Some people shit on solid gold toilet bowls while others shit in a bucket.
Little boy at next table, standing on booth seat: I shit in my pants! Hahaha!
–Wo Hop, 15 Mott St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Stranger: Hi, cutie! What a handsome little boy you are!
Toddler boy exiting stall with mom: I got a hair cut, and I just made a big poop!
Stranger: Um, okay.
–Ladies’ room, LIRR
Overheard by: Cathleen B
Gym Guy #1: Just weighed myself.
Gym Guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Gym Guy #1: 172 pounds after a shit.
–Wall Street NYSC
Overheard by: Bailey Wier
Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: TINA
Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!
–Duane Reade
Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?
–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Torgo61
Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!
–Arthur Avenue
Overheard by: eternal student
Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.
–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St
Snappy white woman from Long Island to group of noisy black kids with a baby carriage: When are you guys getting off this bus? I need to know when. Just tell me what stop you’re getting off at so I can decide whether I need to catch another one.
The baby’s mother has her breast out and is squeezing and batting it around, a look of glee on her face. The baby is fast asleep in the stroller.
Mother: Look, milk comin’ out of it!!
Long Island woman: Seriously, when are you getting off?
–M15 bus downtown
Overheard by: hannah g
Girl #1: So, we left the bar in a taxi and I had to go to the bathroom real bad.
Girl #2: What did you do?
Girl #1: There was an envelope in the cab, so I used it. Yes that was the time I pooped in an envelope in a taxi!
–2nd Ave Bus
Hot man, in consultative tone: Very underrated how taking a huge dump can improve your day.
Hot woman: Seriously!
Hot man: I have something for you. Something that will change your life. I'm completely serious. Have you ever tried Metamucil?
Hot woman: No.
Hot man: You will take the most massive dumps ever and feel great. It's like weightlifting for your bowels.
–26th & Madison Ave
