She Don't Eat Wednesday One-Liners, But She Sure Like the Bone

Woman: Shut up! Do you want to end up alone eating a bologna sandwich in the drunk tank?

–Ave A & 10th

Overheard by: Kira

Coworker to office: I love meatloaf. I would wear it on my head like a hat.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: The Secret Newsbunny

Woman getting in cab: Fatty Magoo! I'm going to eat the shit out of some ribs!

–24th & 7th Ave

NYU boy to friends: Wait! I'm looking at the wrong site…there's all different kinds of sausages.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: lollin.

Hobo: I don't like beef, I don't like chicken, I don't like ribs…I like pussy!

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: J J

Conductor: Everyone please step aside at the next stop and make room for fresh meat.

–L Train

Overheard by: ooshua

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Conductors, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Threats, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And the Fact That They're Douchebags Creates Lubrication

Dude in crowded subway car, to friend he's showing around town: That's why hipsters are all so thin, so they can move easily through trains.
Friend: So, is that, like, a requirement here?
Dude: Yeah, there's a practical reason for it.

–R Train

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Posted on April 13, 2009
Diet/Weight, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Tourism, Weirdness

That's What You Said About Grandma Moving in with Us

Little boy, pointing at a subway: Mom, what's this?
Mom: A subway.
Little boy: What does it do?
Mom: It gives you a hard landing space if you trip down the steps.

–Wall Street

Posted on April 13, 2009
Accidents, Kids, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

And We Get at Least Three People a Day Claiming to Be Christ

Passenger, getting on bus and not swiping Metrocard: I don't gotta swipe. It's all set.
Driver: Oh, yes you do. Christ himself come on, he gotta swipe.

–Q32 Bus, Queens

Overheard by: Your friendly neighborhood Newsbunny

Posted on April 12, 2009
Bus Drivers, Jesus, On the Bus, Passengers, Public Transportation, Queens

A Real New Yorker Would Just Do It.

Guy shoving himself onto a full train: Maybe if y'all moved a little I would fit!
Incredibly irate guy being shoved: Maybe if I punch you in the fucking face you'll get off this train so the doors will close!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McJensen

Posted on April 11, 2009
Anger Management, Body Parts, Guys, Insults, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Punch, Strangers, Threats, Train Station

If Ned Flanders Were a Black Hobo

Conductor: This is a Queens-bound f express train. So if you don't need express, you better get the hell up off mah train! Stand clear of the closing doors.
Black hobo: Heidi ho, let's go!

–F Train

Posted on April 11, 2009
Black People, Conductors, Directions, Hobos, On the Subway, Public Transportation, TV

Dennis the Menace Grew Up Pretty Much As Expected

MTA worker: Buy a ticket.
Guy banging on turnstile: Nooooo.
MTA worker: Buy a ticket.
Guy while diving under turnstile: No! Fuck you!

–SoHo

Posted on April 10, 2009
Clerks, Crime and Punishment, Guys, Insults, Public Transportation, Soho

Wednesday One-Liners Just Go to Their Happy Place

Conductor yelling in Indian accent: Please get in the train, it's not that crowded. (door closes and opens again) Get in the freaking train, it's not Mumbai, there is space, and keep you limbs inside the train, please!

–E Train

Overheard by: Ting

Loud man as doors open on a packed rush-hour train: What you need to do is…put out your hand and say, "no, you will not fit." And then, if that don't work, take your umbrella, and open it up.

–4 Train

Seated woman to older lady leaning over her: Lady, back your fupa up!

–F Train

Overheard by: pwolf

Conductor: This train is tooo crowded, folks. There is another train behind us that looks just like this one. Take a look at this train, then wait for something that looks just like it.

–6 Train

Little tourist boy: There are more people in here than in all of New York!

–Dillan's Candy Store

Posted on April 8, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Conductors, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Store, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Unless You Can Name the Right Price

Hobo: Next stop, my dick!
Gay guy: Oh yay! This is going to be fun!
Hobo: You're weird, I was only joking.

–1 Train

Posted on April 6, 2009
Directions, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, On the Subway, Penis, Public Transportation, Queer guys

Unless Ben and Jerry Count

Extremely drunk guy: Hey, how ya doin'?
Sober woman: Fine, thanks. (pause) Hey, this is my stop…gotta go! (dashes off train)
Extremely drunk guy to extremely drunk friend, after a long pause: Hey, I coulda had her if I wanted. I coulda been like, “if this is your stop, then it's my stop too, baby, why dontcha come home with me?” But I don' want any company tonight. I wanna be all by myself…in my own place…in my own bed…all alone.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 6, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Public Transportation