Guy: Yeah, that date movie was dumb.
Girl: Oh, you saw it?
Guy: No, but I could tell by the font it would be dumb. It was the same font as Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie. I really hated those movies.
Girl: Ahhh, impact.
Guy: What?
Girl: The font. It's called “impact.”
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
Puzzled student: Professor, according to the syllabus we have a paper due in a week… What's it on?
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: You have a paper due in a week? I was afraid of that!
Puzzled student: Also, according to the syllabus, we don't even have class today. There's…nothing written there.
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that.
–Fordham University
Man #1: Are you serious?
Man #2: Yep.
Man #1: She really did that?
Man #2: Yep, took everything and left me.
Man #1: God, your mom's a bitch.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Gir
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
–Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
–1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
Guy: I like to travel a lot.
Girl: Ohhh! Have you ever been to New Jersey?
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: Ross
Blonde: This bridge collapsed, it's so sad.
Brunette: Why?
Blonde: Why?
Blonde: Oh, what is it happy?
Brunette: No it's not happy.
Blonde: Yay, a bridge collapsed?
Brunette: Yay!
Brunette: London Bridge fell and it got a mothafuckin song!
–7th Ave & 23rd St
Frustrated hobo: What are you looking for?
Batty bag lady: A car!
Frustrated hobo: Well, what kind of car?
Batty bag lady: A car I can pee between!
–Eldridge & Broome
Overheard by: Nic
Female art student: I love people who fit into a stereotype!
Flamingly gay art student: I like being racist.
Female art student: What?!
–NYU
Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"
–Macy's, Herald Square
Overheard by: The City Planner
Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?
–1st Ave & 6th St
Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BPV
Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."
–96th & Columbus Ave
