Frat boy #1: Dude, are you Karl Marx?
Frat boy #2: Nah, bro. I’m a porn star.
–5th Ave, Brooklyn
Frat boy #1: Dude, are you Karl Marx?
Frat boy #2: Nah, bro. I’m a porn star.
–5th Ave, Brooklyn
Seated old guy gesturing across the street to young couple kissing: Why do they keep doing that? They do that every morning!
Old guy walking by: Yeah?
Seated old guy: Every morning!
Old guy walking by: Bah, humbug!
–N5 & Bedford, Williamsburg
Guy #1: Yo, you know that girl Maria?
Guy #2: Which one, the one with the fucked-up eyes or the one with the fucked-up hair?
Guy #1: The one with the fucked-up bug eye.
Guy #2: What about her? Did you fuck her?
Guy #1: That’s right, I fucked her. Boom, boom!
–Uptown 6 train
Woman: Can you tell me where the bus to Rochester is?
Information guy: Gate 63.
Woman: Thank you.
Information guy, after she walks away: Yeah, she wants me to lick her dirty pussy.
–Port Authority Bus Station
Overheard by: Andrew Dill
Ghetto guy: Why I be so ashy?
White chick: It’s because you’re black, right?
–Canal St & Centre St
Clipboard harasser: Hey there!
Guy, noting sticker on clipboard: ‘Mean people suck,’ huh?
Clipboard harasser: Would you like to talk about Greenpeace?
Guy: Sorry. I only care about money.
–48th St & 6th Ave
Old lady #1: Oh, something is vibrating in my purse.
Old lady #2: Oooh, is it something handsome?
–New York Film Festival, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: I wiggle, not vibrate
Punk: How long have you had them?
Queer with three Greyhounds: Oh different times. They all come from abusive breeders and abusive owners and we take them in.
Punk: They’re so beautiful. I’d totally abuse them.
–9th St, between 1St & A Ave
Pharmacist: Do you have any allergies?
Woman: No, I’m not allergic to anything. Except maybe no good men. Yeah, write that down, I’m allergic to no good men!
–Duane Reade, 100 William St
Overheard by: shemah
Voice on loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, someone has lost a pair of ladies’ red-rimmed eyeglasses. That’s a pair of women’s glasses with red frames, looking for you. Get it? Cause they’re glasses, looking for…Oh, nevermind.
–Queens County Farm Museum
Overheard by: amused visitor
Girl: I only like white wine in Paris
–Union Pool
Overheard by: Andrea
Hobo: I am a Vietnam veteran. I cannot work due to the effects of Agent Orange. Agent Orange was used in Vietnam to kill all the vegetarians.
–Uptown R train
Cop: So what does the red light mean, dat you gotta come to a complete stop?
–Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: Goueznou
Student to tourists: No, no. The black-draped building is Silver. The white building is Brown. See?
–Broadway & Mercer
Overheard by: booksandlibretti
Coast guard officer: Oh darn, I should have worn my pink coast guard hat today.
–South Street Seaport, Avon Breast Cancer Walk
