Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that’s Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that’s Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t!
Guy #1: It’s gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?
–4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?
–D train, Grand Concourse
Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Josh
Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?
–Game Stop, Forest Hills
Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Andrew K.
Guy soliciting money: Just one penny. Just one penny to help the homeless.
Contributor: Where’s Eddie?
Guy soliciting money: Eddie? Oh, he’s on vacation this week.
–Outside Barnes and Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Bob who gives at the office
Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, besides running a sperm bank?
–Chinatown bus
Yuppie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: renata
Woman on cell: I know! And the only thing insurance doesn’t cover is the sperm!
–20th & 5th
Overheard by: I want to get on her plan
Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.
–1 train
Man on cell: It looked like he was covered in jizz. Giant jizz. Like giant, Paul Bunyan-jizz.
–5th Ave
NYU chick: So then I realized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?
–Waverly & Broadway
Freshman: So what if you occasionally jizz in your pants?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Chick: I think James* hit on me but I’m scared because I don’t know what his orientation is.
Dude: He’s Caucasian.
–Pace University
Frat boy #1: Dude, are you Karl Marx?
Frat boy #2: Nah, bro. I’m a porn star.
–5th Ave, Brooklyn
Seated old guy gesturing across the street to young couple kissing: Why do they keep doing that? They do that every morning!
Old guy walking by: Yeah?
Seated old guy: Every morning!
Old guy walking by: Bah, humbug!
–N5 & Bedford, Williamsburg
Guy #1: Yo, you know that girl Maria?
Guy #2: Which one, the one with the fucked-up eyes or the one with the fucked-up hair?
Guy #1: The one with the fucked-up bug eye.
Guy #2: What about her? Did you fuck her?
Guy #1: That’s right, I fucked her. Boom, boom!
–Uptown 6 train
Woman: Can you tell me where the bus to Rochester is?
Information guy: Gate 63.
Woman: Thank you.
Information guy, after she walks away: Yeah, she wants me to lick her dirty pussy.
–Port Authority Bus Station
Overheard by: Andrew Dill
Ghetto guy: Why I be so ashy?
White chick: It’s because you’re black, right?
–Canal St & Centre St
