Wednesday One-Liners Are Stupid. There. We Said It.

Woman on cell: When you assume, you make an ass of yourself.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark

Hipster: Yo, what’s up with Filene’s Basement? That shit’s on the top floor!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Tourist: Is that the Enron building?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Robyn

Tourist to security guard: Are these all originals?

–Impressionist Gallery, the Met

Overheard by: j-diddy

Female tourist: I could never live in Central America because I’d miss the ocean.

–Restaurant bathroom, Little Italy

Overheard by: Olia

Girl looking at subway map: What about that thing, that star–“You are here”? They don’t have that?

–(Moving) uptown 1 train, 59th St

Overheard by: Jo

White hipster girl: Is black semen black?

–86th & Park

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cum, Global Geography, NYC Geography, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Shopping, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

How You Know Someone’s From Kansas

Chick #1: What the hell is that?
Chick #2: The placenta.
Chick #1: What’s a placenta?

–Bodies exhibit, Fulton St

Posted on September 12, 2006
Girls, Idiots, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists

For the Anal Sex-Toy Fetishist Who Loves to Cook

Jewish girl: Where did you get this necklace?
Christian boy: It’s not a necklace.
Jewish girl: Oh, right! It’s those rosemary beads.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Agnostic

Posted on September 12, 2006
Astoria, Fashion, Guys, JAPs, Questions

‘Til Death Do Us Motherfucking Part, Beeotch

Middle-aged man #1: So you married her, right?
Middle-aged man #2: Yeah, I married her. I married the hell out of her.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Costa

Posted on September 12, 2006
Guys, Marriage, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

The Police Athletic League Goes Recruiting

Police cruiser stops on 8th Ave by a group of black teens.

Loudspeaker: What are you doing there?
Black teens: [inaudible]Loudspeaker: OK, but no hands.

One teen takes three long strides and leaps on top of a mailbox, wobbles precariously, touches one finger on a wobble, and stands straight up.

Loudspeaker: Used your hands.

–34th & 8th

Posted on September 10, 2006
Black People, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Sports, Talking/Convos, Teens, Weirdness

They’ll Be Able to Tell By the Smell

Foreign guy: No, there’s too many people on line to return.
American guy: Why don’t you put it in the drop box?
Foreign guy: I can’t do that!
American guy: Yeah, you can even leave it in the box outside.
Foreign guy: But how will they know it’s me?

–Blockbuster Videos, Chelsea

Overheard by: no one was on line for returns

Posted on September 4, 2006
Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Foreigners, Guys, Questions, Store, Stupidity

Meaning She Already Has the Perfect Place to Conceive, Deliver, and Eventually Raise It

Woman #1: Why don’t you get a child of your own?
Woman #2: Girl, I already gots a car.

–Century 21, Cortlandt St

Posted on August 27, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Comebacks, Kids, Questions, Women

What About a Really Big Dick?

Girl: So, if you had to pick between a longer foot and a flipper foot, what would you choose? How about one big merman fin?
Guy: Wait, are these options?

–1 train

Overheard by: Yesenia