Teen girl #1: If you were a guy, I would totally rape you.
Teen girl #2: Isn’t it the other way around?
Teen girl #1: No. I wouldn’t rape a girl. Unless she was a guy.
Teen girl #2: Oh.
–Broadway
Teen girl #1: If you were a guy, I would totally rape you.
Teen girl #2: Isn’t it the other way around?
Teen girl #1: No. I wouldn’t rape a girl. Unless she was a guy.
Teen girl #2: Oh.
–Broadway
Little Girl: Mommy, where is heaven?
Ghetto Mommy: Right around the corner from my ass.
–Astoria Blvd
Overheard by: Meg
Headline by: Jim
Runners-Up:
· “A Little ‘Piece’ of Heaven” – Mistress Squidia
· “And on the 28th Day, There Came a Rain of Blood From Heaven…” – smo
· “Cleveland, However, Is Closer to the Armpit.” – Paul Nielsen
· “From Rear to Eternity” – ilemanzer
· “Heaven i’taint.” – Lee
· “Holy Shit” – lounamaa
· “I Don’t Think That’s What Carrie Underwood Meant When She Sang: ‘I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven'” – Jenny
· “Must Be a ZoroASStrian” – John P.
· “Sample Curriculum from the Sunday School Taught by Mary Kay Letourneau” – steph
· “Suprisingly, More People Get into Heaven Than You’re Led to Believe in Church.” – J.C.
· “Then How Can Godliness Be Next to Cleanliness?” – kelynsh
Police officer: Crime isn’t going down. It is being reclassified.
Man: Sir, do you know where I can get cheese?
–Brooklyn Family Court
WASP: Do you know if they’re putting on an express train for the US Open?
Tourist: Um, no, but that’s where I’m going, too.
WASP: I know, that’s why I asked you.
Tourist: How did you know that’s where I’m going?
WASP: Because you’re white. Why else would you be going to Queens?
–7 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Tennis Fan
Man in truck: [Honks horn]Rollerblading girl: What the hell does he want from me?
Man in truck: [Wolf whistles] Yeah, baby!
Rollerblading girl: …Oh. Sex.
–50th & Riverside
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Headline by: Jaya
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How I Met Your Father… and Your Father. Oh, and Your Father Too.” – michael Levy
· “He Puts the ‘F’ in ‘Keep on Trucking'” – LadyP
· “I Knew Those Knee Pads Would Come in Handy!” – jackster
· “In Germany It Means ‘Let’s Play Scrabble Sometime'” – briguy
· “It’s Called a Chevy Pick-Up” – jason
· “Next on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom: Mating Calls of the North American Teamster” – Tom Beckett
· “Pointing at Your Crotch Just Doesn’t Say It Anymore” – Bevan
· “The Etymology of ‘Horny'” – wavyfrog
· “They Usually Want To Discuss Dialectical Materialism” – International Man of Leisure
· “Well That, and Directions to Maryland” – that1dude
· “What’s Wrong With a Little Four by Foreplay?” – Elle
Old woman inside apartment: You gotta come here and look at this!
Old man: Do I gotta put my pants on to come see it?
–80th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jo
Compassionate chick, looking at homeless cats: Oooh, look at this one. It only has one eye. What happened?
Kitten rescue volunteer: Oh, it lost an eye.
–72nd & Columbus
Optimist queer: You should be happy. Not all the people in the world are out to get you. Why not just be nice?
Pessimist queer: Whenever I’m nice to people, they spit in my eye, fuck me up my ass, and kick it all the way to Siberia.
Optimist queer: So when was the last time someone fucked you up your ass?
Pessimist queer: An hour ago.
–Sutphin & Hillside, Jamaica
Overheard by: ting
Chick #1: You know what today is a perfect day for?
Chick #2: Shopping?
Chick #1: No. Gaelic football!
–87th & 2nd
Foodie: Have you ever been to China Grill?
Non-Foodie: Is that Cuban food?
–62nd & Broadway
Headline by: clarence rosario
Runners-Up:
· “You’re Confusing ‘Boat People’ With the ‘Cardboard Raft’ People” – Jo Jo
· “Close, But No Cigar” – andrew harrison
· “Con-Fusion Cuisine” – Greg Costello
· “Either Way You Feel Oppressed Again an Hour Later.” – Syd O
· “May I Take Your New World Order?” – jason daniel
· “Michelin Should Have Never Named it the Red Guide” – Fes
· “Public-School Geography Teachers Do Lunch.” – Doctor Whom
· “Sum Dim People Think So” – Constant Irritant
