Guy #1: Wow, they indicted five cops in that beating last year in Shenandoah.
Guy #2: Yeah, it was a hate crime.
Guy #1: The victim was gay?
Guy #2: No, dude, he was Mexican.
Guy #1: What? Since when is it a crime to be Mexican?
Guy #2, after pause: Everyone on this train thinks you are a fucking idiot, and I agree with them.
–Uptown 6 Train
Bookstore girl to six-year-old in suit: Hey little boy, are you lost? Where is your nanny?
Six-year-old: I don't know, but I see my driver outside!
–Bookstore, Upper East Side
Overheard by: AlphaNYC
Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?
–20th St & 6th Ave
Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.
–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Stefan Yonker
Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!
–Hudson River Park
Overheard by: Nina & Phil
Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".
–L Train
Preppy guy: What's that stuff around the rim of your martini glass?
Trendy girl: Uh…I dunno, it looks like cum.
Preppy guy: Uh… can I get a lick?
–Restaurant, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Eliza
Lady #1: Osama doesn’t have a chance to win the election.
Lady #2: Osama? Don’t you mean Barack Obama?
Lady #1: No, not him.
–5 Train
Overheard by: E-Stuff
Guy #1: Why are hipster chicks so unattractive?
Guy #2: Because if they were attractive they would be accused of conforming, and then they might even have to get excited about something….god forbid.
–5 train
Dog owner to pup bugging drunk girl: Heel, dog, heel.
Drunk girl’s friend: Oh my god, what if that dog could actually heal you?!
–Outside Plug Uglies
Overheard by: Starkie
Dude: So I finally saw Lisa's* tits. Good stuff, man.
Friend: Yeah? Are they big?
Dude: Not at all. But it's better that way. A handful is enough.
Friend: So it's like nuts?
Dude: What the fuck?
Friend: No! I mean they say a handful of nuts is enough protein for the day! That came out totally wrong!
Dude: Whatever you say…Tinkerbell.
–67th & Columbus
Little boy: Mommy, mommy! Can I get a hot dog please?
Mom: No.
Little boy: Please? Why not?
Mom: Remember that time you drank your pee pee juice?
Little boy: But that was yummy!
–Time Square
40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: They tried to make me a made man when I was 16. Do you get what I'm sayin? I've got fucking connections. I know Duke. I know my brother. I know my dad.
40-something white man in jeans, Hawaiian shirt and long blond wig: No, but these people own the Bronx.
40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: Why do you have to be a dick? I told you, they tried to make me. I said no, but I still know my dad and Duke. If they try to hit you again, I got you. (yelling) Do you understand what that means? Made man? I was almost made!
–Tompkins Square Park
