Stupidity

That’s the Third Time This Week

Bimbette art student #1, pointing at fresh grapes: I don’t get why they call ‘olive-skinned’ people ‘olive-skinned’. No one’s skin is that color!
Bimbette art student #2, after closer inspection of fresh grapes: Yeah, but those olives look messed up, I think they’re fake. Real olives are, like, darker or something.
Bimbette art student #1: Yeah, those olives are too light, that’s it. No one’s skin is that color of… of light green.
Cashier: Uhm, are you ladies in line? Can I get you some… Grapes?
Bimbette art student #3: Yeah, those olives are totally fake, that must be it.
[Group leaves deli.]Cashier: Did that really just happen?

–27th & 5th

Take Some Quinine. And Ritalin.

Girl #1: I don’t feel well.
Girl #2: You look fine.
Girl #1: I think I have malaria.
Girl #2: I really don’t think you do.
Girl #1: Do people get malaria in Nicaragua?
Girl #2: I don’t know, I don’t care, and furthermore, we were in Brazil.

–JFK

Sounds Like It Worked

White guy: This Chinese woman at the restaurant kept staring at me, all angry looking, and staring at my chopsticks, like I was doing something wrong with them. Like, some etiquette thing or something. I know you’re not supposed to, like, stick the chopsticks into rice.
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, you never do that.
White guy: I know! But I looked down, no rice, no nothing, I was done with my food, they were just sitting on the plate. I think maybe she was trying to get me to think I was doing something wrong so that, you know, I’d get all self-conscious.

–6 train

Where Have You Gone, San Gennaro?

Guy #1: Isn’t that festival around here somewhere?
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s down that way. What do they call it?
Guy #1: Cinco DiMaggio.

–Mott & Spring

Overheard by: Cryptonomic B

“Is PMS level okay?”

Old lady: Do you have any glue?
Cashier chick: Yeah, what kind?
Old lady: Do you have any crazy glue? Not Krazy Glue, just crazier than Elmer’s.

–Vim Drugs, West 181st Street

Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky

American Existentialism in Action

College chick throwing down Waiting for Godot: I just don’t get this play at all.
College dude: You want me to teach you to play Minesweeper?

–JFK

Wednesday One-liners & the Sin of Sloth

Dude on cell: I was up until 5AM having a really pointless discussion about apathy.

–21st & 2nd

What’s the Catch?

Chick #1: We can watch Lackawanna Blues tonight.
Chick #2: I can’t watch another black movie. I watched one last night.
Chick #1: What’d you watch last night?
Chick #2: Hitch.

–Office, Wall & William

Stupid Race Card

Guard: Your key card doesn't work.
Teenager: It's because I'm black.

–Columbia University

Scenes from Madame Tussaud’s

Tourist #1: Ha! Look at her, she’s trying to look just like Bernadette Peters.
Tourist #2: That is Bernadette Peters and she heard you. Can we go now?

–51st & 5th

Overheard by: A tourist who’s not clueless.

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