Stupidity

Asian guy: No, that was some pretty diarrhea. Did you see it?
Mexican guy: It was crazy, man. Wooo.
Asian guy: It was pretty diarrhea. Really.
Mexican guy: So pretty. We don’t got that shit in Mexico.

–Time-Life building lobby

Woman #1: You know, everytime I go return a book, they make me pay money, I have no idea why.
Woman #2: Me too! Last time I paid two dollars.
Woman #1: I should stop going and just donate my money somewhere else.

–Flushing

Overheard by: why don’t you try returning them on time

Conductor: Due to a problem at 14th St-Union Square, this train will be going express to Brooklyn Bridge. This train will not stop at any local stops. The next stop will be Brooklyn Bridge. Switch to an uptown 6 train for all local stops. The next stop will be Brooklyn Bridge. The next stop will be Brooklyn Bridge. Brooklyn Bridge is next.
Man: What was the next stop?

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: Petey Mills

Professor: How many hours between eight o’clock and ten o’clock?
Student: Three!
Professor: No, between eight and ten.
Student: Eight, nine, ten. Three.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Cait O’Connor

Old woman: Did you just come from school?
Little girl: No.
Dad: We just came from the zoo.
Old woman: Oh, the zoo! Did you like it? Did you hear about that crocodile hunter? I thought that was just awful. Playing with crocodiles and all, you don’t do that, do you?
Little girl: No.

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: katie caroline

Girl #1: Lately, I just haven’t felt like going out. I’ve turned into such a…What’s the word? A homophobe.
Girl #2: What? Don’t you mean a homophiliac?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s what I meant! God, why can’t I think straight today?

–Forever 21, W 34th St

Overheard by: rolling my eyes in the dressing room next door

Punk: How long have you had them?
Queer with three Greyhounds: Oh different times. They all come from abusive breeders and abusive owners and we take them in.
Punk: They’re so beautiful. I’d totally abuse them.

–9th St, between 1St & A Ave

Girl: Ok, let’s name some idioms.
Guy: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you go first.
Girl: Ok. ‘Hit the hay.’
Guy: ‘Suck the dick.’
Girl: Ummm…

–114th St & Broadway

Wangsta teen: Move, nigga, or I’ll cut you with my knife!
Tween girl #1: Oh my God! He said the ‘n’ word!
Tween girl #2: Knife?

–Queens bound F train

JAP #1: Oh god, it’s so funny sometimes to start a sentence with, "But I have a brain tumor!"
JAP #2: That’s so not funny.
JAP #1: But I do have a brain tumor! See? So funny!

–2 train

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson