Old lady: Are you getting off at this stop?
Guy: The train hasn’t stopped yet.
Old lady: I know, but I want to be ready when it does.
Guy: Don’t worry, you’ll be ready.
Old lady: Yeah, but you’re a lot bigger than I am.
Guy: I’m not going to block the door.
Old lady: Yeah, but I’m carrying a lot heavier bags than you are.
Guy: You should get a cart.
Old lady: You should get a donkey!
Guy: A donkey? I’ll consider it.
–N Train approaching Queensboro Bridge
Overheard by: Laughing N Train
Ghetto cashier #1: Hey! Let me read the horoscope!
Ghetto cashier #2, reading The Daily News: The horoscope says it’s going to rain today and be really cold.
Old man: And that it’s a good day to die.
–Grocery store check-out, W 148th & St. Nick
Man: So, like, what’s up with her?
Woman: She is sooo a narcist!
Man: What’s that?
Woman: When, like, you’re happy to see people in pain.
Man: Oh, yeah. She’s a total narcist.
–F train
Clerk: Australia… is that here or is that one of those France places?
–Utica and Atlantic, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Keith
JAP: Then we went to Florence, and after that to the seacoast around Genoa, all these little towns — I think it’s called the Geneva Convention.
–Hip coffee shop, 71 Irving Place
JAP: So where exactly is New England? Is it in Europe?
–Duane Reade
Tourist chick, pointing far away: That’s Manhattan, right?
–Observatory, Empire State Building
Overheard by: kaja
Guy to friends: Wait, are you sure we’re not in Boston?
–86th and Park Ave.
Tourist to her family, pointing at City Hall: I’m not sure what that building is, but I’m going to guess it’s the French Embassy.
–Next to the gates outside City Hall
Girl: Mom, where is Viagra Falls?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Delilah
Girl #1: Ha ha ha. Who said that? Stewie Griffin, right?
Girl #2: No, Kim Jong-il! Oh my god!
Girl #1: I’ve never been more ashamed of myself.
–Starbucks, W 41st
Blonde Teen: So I’m taking that religion class.
Brunette Teen: Oh yeah? The one where you read the Bible right?
Blonde teen: Yeah that one. And get this, we are about to start reading the Book of Proverbs.
Brunette Teen: Oh My God! I didn’t know the Bible had a grammar section.
Blonde Teen: Me neither!!
Brunette Teen: Oh man, I bet it totally tells you how to speak like God… Except properly, you know?
Blonde Teen: [Gasp] I bet it totally does.
Brunette Teen: Ugh! I wish I had taken that class.
–The Original Ray’s Pizza
Black woman: Oh, look at this, ‘The Collected Stories of Truman Capote.’ Wow, he really looks like who played him!
Black man: Let me see that. What? You think that looks like me?
Black woman: No, no, he looks like what’s-his-name, you know, the guy who played him in the movie.
Black man: Oh! Shit, I thought you said ‘he looks like you, playa.’
Black woman: Are you crazy?
Black man: He does dress like a nigga, though.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Beeeej
Ghetto guy: Why I be so ashy?
White chick: It’s because you’re black, right?
–Canal St & Centre St
Guy #1: I mean, who is impressed by knowing all the state capitals? That’s easy. I can name every state capital.
Guy #2: Vermont.
Guy #1: Huh?
Guy #2: What’s the capital of Vermont?
Guy #1: That’s not a state.
–N train
Overheard by: JY
Drunk girl: Is that a bathroom I see?
Conductor: It’s out of order.
Drunk girl: Ok, I’m going in there.
Conductor: It’s out of order!
Drunk girl’s friend: I don’t think we can use that one, let’s go find a place to squat.
–LIRR
Overheard by: hbs
