Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Are as Dumb as They Look

Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Francesca

White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?

–4 train

Overheard by: Gregorio

Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?

–D train, Grand Concourse

Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: Josh

Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?

–Game Stop, Forest Hills

Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Andrew K.

Dr. Phil: Any Healthy Relationship Has to Entail Some Anal Bribery

Chick #1: So, Fred* and I got in a fight again last night, but we made up just as fast as it all started. I told him that I would let him fuck me in the ass if we can stop fighting for a month.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah, good idea! That’ll work!

–Bartinis

Overheard by: anitaLaMasBonita

Just Be Crippled So You’ll Need Me

Blond: You need to go jump off this balcony right now.
Brunette: It’s the first floor!
Blond: Good, ’cause then you’ll just break your leg. I love you, I don’t want you to die!

–80th & Amsterdam

Well, There’s Parachuting, the Mole Man’s Drilling Machine…

Girl: So, is the ferry the only way to get to Staten Island?

–SeaStreak ferry under the Verrazano Bridge

Overheard by: Look. Up.

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Misunderestimated

Thug: Where you am?

–Penn Station

Girl: The cat keeps attacking the kitten and trying to dominate him. He’s wicked-dominal.

–Train from Boston, Penn Station

Thug girl: We is not stupid!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Teen boy: It’s like that Napoleon ice cream. You know: vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.

–53rd & 5th

Overheard by: really?

Ghetto woman on cell: Yeah, yeah — he a drug addict. I couldn’t believe it. I had no agnostic he was on drugs.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Girl: I’m like, so, you know, like, bad at, like… I’m really inarticulate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded intellectual

Wednesday One-Liners Get the Jizzt

Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, besides running a sperm bank?

–Chinatown bus

Yuppie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: renata

Woman on cell: I know! And the only thing insurance doesn’t cover is the sperm!

–20th & 5th

Overheard by: I want to get on her plan

Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.

–1 train

Man on cell: It looked like he was covered in jizz. Giant jizz. Like giant, Paul Bunyan-jizz.

–5th Ave

NYU chick: So then I realized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?

–Waverly & Broadway

Freshman: So what if you occasionally jizz in your pants?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Rachel Hoban

Daoism In Motion

Dude #1: That’s awesome.
Dude #2: What? That the subway comes out of the ground?
Dude #1: Yeah… because it’s no longer the ‘subway.’ It’s just the ‘way.’

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: 15X

So Then Which One’s the Goalie?

Guy #1: It’s like catcher and receiver.
Guy #2: No, no. It’s pitcher and catcher. Like football.

–B-Sides, Ave B & 12th St

Overheard by: Creiighton

And What’s Labor?

Fashionista #1: Oh my god, look — white pants after Labor Day — so trashy.
Fashionista #2: Ew. Yeah.
Fashionista #1: When is Labor Day, anyway?
Fashionista #2: I don’t know.

–SoHo

Just Remember the ‘Right-Hand Rule’

Chick: I think James* hit on me but I’m scared because I don’t know what his orientation is.
Dude: He’s Caucasian.

–Pace University

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist