College chick #1: I think I’m bisexual.
College chick #2: What do you mean, ‘think’?
Older guy behind them: What do you mean, ‘bisexual’?
–Express train
Overheard by: Ari
College chick #1: I think I’m bisexual.
College chick #2: What do you mean, ‘think’?
Older guy behind them: What do you mean, ‘bisexual’?
–Express train
Overheard by: Ari
Hipster #1: Okay, so I am going to tap out a song on the table, and you are going to guess what it is!
Hipster #2: Okay, go. [As #1 taps] Oh, oh! I know! ‘Hakuna Matata,’ right?
Hipster #1: Um, no! God, you are so racist — just because we’re in a Japanese restaurant, you think it’s gotta be a Japanese song! It was ‘Death Cab for Cutie,’ you fool.
–Nobu, Hudson St
Overheard by: trying not to laugh behind them
Chick #1: I gotta read this book for class, and I don’t want to.
Chick #2: Oh, I hate that shit. I hate having to read shit I hate.
Chick #1: I know! I don’t want to read it! I don’t get the book, I don’t understand it — it’s stupid!
Chick #2: What book you gotta read?
Chick #1: I don’t know, it’s called, like, Increasin’ Your Brain Power or something.
–E train
Overheard by: August Galifi
Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?
–D train, Grand Concourse
Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Josh
Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?
–Game Stop, Forest Hills
Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Andrew K.
Chick #1: So, Fred* and I got in a fight again last night, but we made up just as fast as it all started. I told him that I would let him fuck me in the ass if we can stop fighting for a month.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah, good idea! That’ll work!
–Bartinis
Overheard by: anitaLaMasBonita
Blond: You need to go jump off this balcony right now.
Brunette: It’s the first floor!
Blond: Good, ’cause then you’ll just break your leg. I love you, I don’t want you to die!
–80th & Amsterdam
Girl: So, is the ferry the only way to get to Staten Island?
–SeaStreak ferry under the Verrazano Bridge
Overheard by: Look. Up.
Thug: Where you am?
–Penn Station
Girl: The cat keeps attacking the kitten and trying to dominate him. He’s wicked-dominal.
–Train from Boston, Penn Station
Thug girl: We is not stupid!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy
Teen boy: It’s like that Napoleon ice cream. You know: vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: really?
Ghetto woman on cell: Yeah, yeah — he a drug addict. I couldn’t believe it. I had no agnostic he was on drugs.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Girl: I’m like, so, you know, like, bad at, like… I’m really inarticulate.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: jaded intellectual
Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, besides running a sperm bank?
–Chinatown bus
Yuppie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: renata
Woman on cell: I know! And the only thing insurance doesn’t cover is the sperm!
–20th & 5th
Overheard by: I want to get on her plan
Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.
–1 train
Man on cell: It looked like he was covered in jizz. Giant jizz. Like giant, Paul Bunyan-jizz.
–5th Ave
NYU chick: So then I realized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?
–Waverly & Broadway
Freshman: So what if you occasionally jizz in your pants?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Dude #1: That’s awesome.
Dude #2: What? That the subway comes out of the ground?
Dude #1: Yeah… because it’s no longer the ‘subway.’ It’s just the ‘way.’
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: 15X
