Yes, It Would Be

Girl #1: That’s so funny. I’ve always said, “That would be two of us.” So how do you use it?
Girl #2: “That would behoove us.”…Well, you don’t use it that way. You say “of”. “That would be hoove of us.” As in, that would be smart of us.

–Q train

Overheard by: Morgan

Posted on March 30, 2006
Arts & Letters, On the Subway, Stupidity

Wednesday One-liners Read Vogue

Girl: Did you see those capris? They looked like the girl had her vagina on sideways!

–Windsor Terrace

Posted on March 29, 2006
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fashion, Ghetto Chicks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Shopping, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers

Good Conduct for Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: …Transfer available here to the F, V, N, Q, R and W. Next stop: New Jersey. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–B train

Overheard by: comicgirl

Posted on March 29, 2006
On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Travel

Wednesday One-liners Love Their Mommy

Woman: Well, he should just get over it. Who doesn’t have a mother who died?

–MOMA cafeteria

Overheard by: Deborah Freeman

Posted on March 29, 2006
Arts & Letters, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Death, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Violence

This Metric Stuff is Complicated

Teen girl #1: What’s a “fortnight”?
Teen girl #2: It’s British for “ten days”; like, “I’ll be gone for a fortnight.”
Teen girl #1: Oh yeah, that makes total sense.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: GGary

Posted on March 28, 2006
At the Airport, Stupidity, Teens

A Perfect Fit for This Dickhead

Guy #1: So that Egyptian baby girl with two heads died. A brain infection from when they removed the extra head.
Guy #2: Is this real or from the Weekly World News?
Guy #1: No, it’s real. The extra head could only smile and blink.
Guy #3: So the extra head could give head…It had a use…Ha, ha, ha!
Guy #1: You are really a sick motherfucker.

–51st & Lexington

Posted on March 28, 2006
BJs, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity

Also Thinks Margarine Made Out of Butter

Guy: I don’t need a bag, thanks.
Store lady: You’re going to carry that in your hand?
Guy: Yeah.
Store lady: That’s fine with me. I love customers who don’t want bags.
Guy: Why waste them, right?
Store lady: Yeah. People need to recycle. They keep cutting down more and more trees for these bags.
Guy: …Yeah.
Store lady: Plastic bags are made out of trees, right?
Guy: …Well, no…
Store lady: Oh, I think it’s paper bags that are made out of trees.

–Duane Reade, 22nd & Park