Guy #1: Dude, are you going to that party this weekend?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah. My girlfriend has been sick all week. She was, like, throwing up and coughing up a lung yesterday. I told her, ‘You better not get me fucking sick. I am not missing this party. I will seriously kick your ass if you get me sick.’
Guy #1: What did she say?
Guy #2: I don’t know. She fell asleep or something.
–Lincoln Center
Chick #1: I think Moron Titty is a great code name. Like, if you go into the CIA? I think you should be Agent Moron Titty.
Chick #2: Yeah, my nipples have an I.Q. of, like, 75.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: djlindee
University official: I confer upon you the degree of Honorary Doctor of Science.
Female undergrad #1: I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s important.
Female undergrad #2: Do you know what you’re saying? What you’re talking right now is waves. She invented that.
–NYU commencement, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Brian
Man looks down at Time magazine with Theodore Roosevelt on the cover.
Man: Wait. We had two President Roosevelts? When did that happen?
Supervisor: Yeah. There was, um, [looks at cover] Teddy, and, uh, shit. What was the other one named?
Man: I don’t know. Shit, man, history’s hard because, you know, there’s just so much of it. It’s, like, impossible to really understand it, I think.
Supervisor: Yeah, that’s true.
–K-Mart, 9th St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: appalled customer buying swim trunks
Man: But they’ll talk to us! That’s the problem with calling people — they talk to you!
–Union Square Park
Chick: For one thing, this guy sounds totally sick and perverted; and, for another, what’s his number?
–Party, 140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mr. P.
Girl on cell: He was like, ‘Thanks for doing that in a text,’ and I was like, ‘Thanks for saying that in an IM.’
–Park Ave & Union Square North
Collegiate on cell: Dude, why the hell are you calling me? I told you, just use MySpace.
–Park Ave South & 19th St
Queer looking at ringing cell: Shit! [Answers phone in pleasant voice] Hi, Andrew!
–11th St & University
Overheard by: Colleen
Biotech: God, I’m getting so old!
Friend: Old? You’re only six months older than me.
Biotech: Whatever. You totally still could have been aborted by the time I was born.
–114th & Broadway
Girl: We used to go out–he was wonderful–so interesting, caring, funny, and great lover. But I dumped him because he was gay.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: …Well, maybe he wasn’t a gay after all…Yes, he definitely wasn’t.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: goga
Dude #1: You know how I know you’re gay?
Dude #2, wearily: Because I love Connecticut.
Dude #1: What a fucking horrible place!
–Clinton & Myrtle, Clinton Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: JP
Big black dude #1: You want to leave all the white women to me? That’s fine.
Big black dude #2: Oh, [laughs], I don’t have a problem getting white women. I’m half Indian and half Puerto Rican. I got that Boricua thing going.
Big black dude #1: Oh, shit. Well, I got Mexican in my family…
Smaller black dude: You part Mexican? Where were you born?
Big black dude #1: Well, I was born in Haiti, but I grew up in the Bronx, and my uncle recently married a Mexican.
–Changing room, Church St Boxing gym, Church & Park
Woman #1: Have you ever been to this place?
Woman #2: Yeah, Irish bar. You know those motherfuckers can drink.
Woman #3: You can say that again.
Woman #1: I don’t usually hang out in Irish bars. Too rowdy for me.
Woman #3: C’mon on, you’ll like it. Besides, the bartender is cute.
Woman #2: This chick I know fucked him but he is lousy in the sack. The only reason she banged him was because he’s good-looking and she gets free drinks.
Woman #1: Too bad the good-looking ones are always dumb and suck. If he’s that good-looking I’d fuck him too. Drinks in this fucking city are expensive as hell. Why not? Let’s see what your friend is talking about.
–44th & 8th
