Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a Virgin record store out by Times Square. We should go.
Friend #2: Yeah.
–Midtown Comics, 40th & 7th.
Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a virgin.
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: There’s a Virgin record store out by Times Square. We should go.
Friend #2: Yeah.
–Midtown Comics, 40th & 7th.
Man: I can’t believe how many immigrants there are.
Woman: Send ’em all back, what do I care.
Man: Isn’t, like, your mom an immigrant? We all came from immigrants, you know.
Woman: Wah wah, send ’em back.
–D train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren Michelle
Teen girl: Let’s talk about prom and Toni Morrison.
–Lincoln Center
Guy #1: Yeah, she wouldn’t shut up so I peed on her.
Guy #2: Just what I would have done, bro.
–Central Park
Girl #1: We have to turn right on this street.
Girl #2: But it’s a one way…
Girl #1: Dude, we are walking!
–Fort Greene
Overheard by: pratt radio
Girl: Do you smell that? Smells like straight up pussy in this bitch.
Guy: I wouldn’t know.
Girl: What do you mean you wouldn’t know? It’s pussy.
Guy: I wouldn’t know. I’m gay.
Girl: Damn, son. So what does dick smell like?
Guy: Wouldn’t you know? I mean when you get on your knees?
–M14D bus
Overheard by: Janelle Someone
Drunk chick #1: I have the best blind date story ever.
Drunk chick #2: Oh yeah?
Drunk chick #1: My sister’s friend flew from Australia to LA for a blind date, and she ended up flying to Aruba with the guy and marrying him like a week later.
Drunk chick #2: Wow. That’s awesome!
Drunk chick #1: But I think she was just, like, 35 and desperate to get married.
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Overheard by: djlindee
Chick #1: You know why guys don’t like mushrooms?
Chick #2: Who said guys don’t like mushrooms?
Chick #1: Because they taste like cum!
–N train
Chick #1: So how did your trial go?
Chick #2: It went well, it went my way.
Chick #1: That’s great.
Chick #2: Yeah. The guy was actually nice; well, he was listed as a violent felon, but…
Chick #1: A nice violent felon?
Chick #2: Ha, ha…yeah. He tried to play the “my 88 year old dad and my wife and kids are here, I’m in rehab trying to clean up my life” card. But I put him on the stand for the whole day and caught him in all these lies.
–Broadway & 13th
Chick #1: So how was it?
Chick #2: It was bitchfabulous.
Chick #1: Awesome. So it was bitchtastic?
Chick #2: Nice! I like that one. Yeah, it was bitchtastic.
Chick #1: And the coffee?
Chick #2: Bitchalicious.
Chick #1: Hey, I just realized someone might hear us.
–41st & 6th
