Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ

Posted on August 8, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dreams, Girls, Guys, Kick, Library, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Race, Suits, Threats, Times Square, Train Station, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Someone’s Got S-E-X on His Mind

Guy: You need a new mattress? Why not call 1-800-M-A-T-T-R-E-S?
Girl: Ha, ha! Nah.
Guy: Then there’s gotta be some local places. You should be able to get a mattress for $100.

–40th & 7th

Posted on August 6, 2014
Business and Commerce, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Places, Times Square

Go Back to Israel!

Jewess: That’s the third time you mentioned Jews. What’s wrong with Jews?
Goy: They are demanding, confrontational, and have a hard time telling the truth. What religion are you, anyway?
Jewess: Uh…Baptist.

–Times Square

Overheard by: J. Peter Jones

Posted on August 3, 2014
Foreigners, Jews, Race, Times Square

It’s Master Shake Who Needs a Whuppin’

Man: If I punch Spongebob in the face, it would be because he is living at a higher moral standard than me, as a role model to children.

–Toys ‘R Us, Times Square

Posted on July 23, 2014
Guys, Men, Store, Times Square

It’s All That Buttered Popcorn…

Guy: Damn, this escalator’s small…fat bitches can’t get on this.

–Movie Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: Alayna

Posted on July 19, 2014
Diet/Weight, Fat People, Manhattan, Movie Theaters, Times Square

Tragically, the LP Died

Customer: Do you have a recording of Astrud Gilberto singing, “The Girl from Emphysema?”

–Times Square

Posted on July 19, 2014
Customers, Music, One-liners, Stupidity, Times Square

I Only Date Action Figures

Where: Time Square Toys R Us

Cashier: May I have your phone number, starting with the area code, please?
Customer: You’re not my type.

Posted on July 17, 2014
Clerks, Customers, Pick-up Lines, Times Square

Stop Shaving My Legs, For One

A guy and a girl are standing next to each other, waiting to cross the street. She’s wearing a winter jacket, scarf and hat.

Guy: You’re in trouble.
Girl: Why?
Guy: What the fuck are you going to do when it gets cold?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Anna Ryan

Posted on July 13, 2014
Clothing, Girls, Guys, Questions, Times Square, Weather

Then Why Am I Laughing So Hard?

Homeless Advocate: A penny for the homeless! A penny is all we ask. Everyone is ignoring me over a penny. Don’t laugh at me. It’s not funny.

–Times Square

Posted on July 12, 2014
Activists, Homeless, Money & Class, Times Square

Damn Robots Taking Our Jobs!

Businessman #1: Hey man, guess what I just found out? Martin is a robot!
Businessman #2: I always thought so. At least he’s a good robot.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on July 7, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Suits, Talking/Convos, Times Square