Cop: All right guy, you have two options–
Old man: Let me guess, you gonna lock me up? Man, I go to jail like summer camp.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Toon
Cop: All right guy, you have two options–
Old man: Let me guess, you gonna lock me up? Man, I go to jail like summer camp.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Toon
Guy: Can I get a vodka on the rocks?
Bartender: Would you like ice in that?
–The Russian Vodka Room, Times Square
Girl in heels to friends, trailing behind teacher: Look at him trying to shake us! Ain't never gonna happen. (calls ahead loudly) Mr. Daniels! Can we go to Sephora?
Teacher: (looks over shoulder, goes from fast walk to jog)
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scarface
Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.
–NY Central Library
Overheard by: amused
Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.
–Park Slope
Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.
–Times Square
Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.
–21st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Russ
Guy: You need a new mattress? Why not call 1-800-M-A-T-T-R-E-S?
Girl: Ha, ha! Nah.
Guy: Then there’s gotta be some local places. You should be able to get a mattress for $100.
–40th & 7th
Jewess: That’s the third time you mentioned Jews. What’s wrong with Jews?
Goy: They are demanding, confrontational, and have a hard time telling the truth. What religion are you, anyway?
Jewess: Uh…Baptist.
–Times Square
Overheard by: J. Peter Jones
Man: If I punch Spongebob in the face, it would be because he is living at a higher moral standard than me, as a role model to children.
–Toys ‘R Us, Times Square
Guy: Damn, this escalator’s small…fat bitches can’t get on this.
–Movie Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: Alayna
Customer: Do you have a recording of Astrud Gilberto singing, “The Girl from Emphysema?”
–Times Square
Where: Time Square Toys R Us
Cashier: May I have your phone number, starting with the area code, please?
Customer: You’re not my type.
