Old tourist lady #1: Nobody looks at you here. Nobody looks into your eyes.
Old tourist lady #2: They probably would if we were better looking.
–Midtown
Old tourist lady #1: Nobody looks at you here. Nobody looks into your eyes.
Old tourist lady #2: They probably would if we were better looking.
–Midtown
Tourist #1: Can you take our picture?
Young man: Sure.
Tourists put on “Chinese” hats and make their eyes slanty by pulling at the corners.
Tourists: Ching, chow, chey, high-ya!
Young man: I’m not sure you should do that.
Tourist #1: Do you think they know we’re making fun of them?
Young man: Nooo…I bet they think it’s just what crazy Europeans do when taking pictures.
Young man hands back camera and walks away quickly.
Young man to friend: That was so offensive I think it was funny.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: chapster
Public transportation aficionada: Excuse me.
Empiricist: Yes?
Public transportation aficionada: I’m looking for Penn Station. I mean Yonkers. Which train will take me to Yonkers?
Empiricist: Ah, maybe none. Yonkers isn’t on the Island.
Public transportation aficionada: Uh-huh. We’ve been looking for a train to take us to Yonkers, but none of these go there.
Empiricist: Yeah. It’s not on the Island.
Public transportation aficionada: What about the 2 train?
Empiricist: Okay, bye.
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
10-Year-Old boy, whining: But, Daaad, why not?!
Southern tourist dad: Because. And I told you before: we do not go in stores with names we can’t pronounce!
–56th & 6th
Overheard by: Karith
Tourist husband: So what is this show about?
Tourist wife: I believe it’s like a Muppets story.
—Avenue Q, Golden Theater, W 45th St
Overheard by: Jose
Headline by: Michael
Runners-Up:
· “The Muppets Take Manhattan, Roll It Over, Pull Its Hair and Make It Call Them ‘Daddy’” – Colin McCleod
· “…And Miss Saigon Is About a Beauty Pageant” – bri b
· “And Porn Is Like a Plumbing Story” – jdw
· “And the Dinner You Took Me to at Olive Garden? That Was Like Italian.” – Andy Klingenberger
· “Avenue Q Tickets: $120. The Looks on Vernon and Estelle’s Faces When They Hear ‘The Internet is for Porn’: Priceless” – what i wouldn’t give to watch them watch the show
· “Everyone’s a Little Misinformed” – ian
· “Maybe If the Muppets Took Fire Island” – Broomrider
· “The Same Way That Debbie Does Dallas Is a Travel Documentary” – Kristin Sacre
· “Today’s Letters Are S, E and X, and the Number Is 69” – Iain, London
Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.
–L train
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.
–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave
Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!
–112th & Amsterdam
Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: I went at home
Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!
–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yesenia
8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!
–Green St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: twelvis
Tourist: I want to go home. New York is so unchristian. Look at this, they even have a place called “Satan Island”!
New Yorker: Oh yeah, we New Yorkers are the worst. We even sold our souls to the devil so we could all read.
–6 train
Tourist, pointing at hobo: You stay right there. I’ll be back; you have my word.
Friend #1: What are you doing?
Tourist: I’m going to give this guy some money, but I don’t have any on me.
Hobo: Bless you.
Friends all open their wallets.
Hobo: Bless you, guys. See, we’re all working together!
–7th Ave between 8th & 9th, Park Slope
Overheard by: jayloo
Lost tourist on cell, blocking the crosswalk with her luggage: I’m standing on the corner of 42nd and 3rd.
Passing native: Yeah, and in everyone’s mothafucking way.
–42nd & 3rd
Overheard by: She was in my way too
Tourist lady: People are so mean here. I think they should just give bin Laden the nuclear warhead and let him take this place out. Make this Ground Zero.
Pet-Adoption man: Uh…
Tourist lady: And I’m a nice person.
–Pet adoption kiosk, Union Square
Overheard by: Frightened for the Homeless Kitten’s Life
