Union Square and East Village

Engorged and Tingling Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: emilia

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.

–B train

Overheard by: Janelle

Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ktg

Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.

–Bus to Staten Island

Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’

–Fordham University

Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?

–40th & 5th

Overheard by: don’t wanna know

Then Get on This Soapbox and Dance, Young Lady

Mom: Did you go to work today? Did you?!
Child: No!
Mom: Are you bringin’ in the pay checks?! Huh?!
Child, screaming: Mom, no! Aughhh!

–11th & 1st

Overheard by: disconnec

Back When I Was Only a Slut’s Apprentice

Chick: I had such a hard time when I lived here. People were always calling me a slut. Always, always, always, always.
Guy standing next to her: Yeah?

–Outside the W Hotel, 17th & Park

Overheard by: Will

What’s His Job? Discuss

Girl: Why are you wearing cowboy boots?
Guy walking other way: I just got off work.
Girl, to friend: Did that guy just call me a whore?

–East Village

Overheard by: James Triggs

And If Wishes Were Bitches…

Boyfriend: I wish I had a dog.
Girlfriend: I wish I were a dog.

–Union Square

Overheard by: arctinus

Take Your Noble Eightfold Path Back to Jersey

Buddhist: Excuse me, sir, are you a New Yorker?
Obvious New Yorker: Go fuck yourself!

–Union Square

Overheard by: playtoe

Unless We’re Including Liquor

Woman: And what’s your favorite food?
Little boy: Starbucks!

–19th & Broadway

If You Think This Is Funny, You Are a Bad Person

Man #1: Hey, man, how’s your mom doing? I hear she’s kinda sick.
Man #2: Yeah, she’s not doing so well. She lost her second leg.
Man #1: What? She lost another one?
Man #2: Yeah, son. She called me the other day because she couldn’t find it. I went to her house and looked everywhere for it, but nothing, son… Nothing. It’s fucked up, you know what I’m saying?
Man #1: Yeah, son. That’s some fucked up shit. Damn, son.

–Atlantic & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: MS

Oh, Wait, That’s Meditation

Girl #1: I walked in on my boy masturbating while we where getting ready for sex.
Girl #2: Oh my god, I love masturbating before sex. It’s like a free orgasm.
Girl #1: Me, too. It’s, like, spiritual in my family.

–4th St & Park Ave

We Both Know I’m Likeable, but Not Loveable

Man #1: Has she told you that she loves you yet?
Man #2: No… She’s much too intelligent for that.

–Unioin Square

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