Hipster girl #1: Yeah, so he seemed like a really nice guy. I met him at Shaina’s party, we had an actual intellectual conversation, he may or may not have poisoned me…
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, but what if he did poison you? I mean, what then?
–3rd & 1st
Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.
–9th St, between Ave A & B
Overheard by: rpk
Chick on cell: I just got a pair of sunglasses for two dollars!
Old punk rocker passerby: I’ll give you two dollars to go kill yourself.
–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Lisa
Teen girl: So, what did we learn today, little one?
Kid brother: When in doubt, deny, deny, deny!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Pilar Annabelle Santiago
Dude #1: Hey… So, did the baby come out?
Dude #2: No, it decided to stay in a little longer.
–Union Square
Black guy: Yo, you gotta know Uncle Sam, man. I mean, you pay your taxes, right?
Indian clerk: No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
–Deli, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: hoch
NYU bimbette #1: Yeah, see, I totally think there’s something fishy about Dumbledore’s death — especially his funeral. Like, why was he buried out at sea?
NYU bimbette #2: He wasn’t. He was buried at Hogwarts.
NYU bimbette #1: Wait… Am I thinking of First Knight?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Felony
Bimbette on cell: He cheated on me! Yes, he did! He cheated on me and then I gave him another chance and he cheated on me again. And then I gave him another chance and he cheated on me again… Well, I gave him another chance because he would write me these nice love letters…
–12th & Broadway
Dude: On the full moon he’s going to sprout Lee Press On nails!
Chick: I can’t believe he got bit by a tranny…
–Union Square
Meathead #1: Yeah, I definitely think I should go to the interview hung over.
Meathead #2: Why’s that?
Meathead #1: You know, so I’m more charming and likable.
Both meatheads: Definitely!
–6th St & Ave A
Overheard by: my approach is all wrong
