Drunk girl on phone: Yeah, so I decided that I'll go on a date with you. (pause) Well, I made out with some guy tonight and… (pause) No, I don't think he's cuter than you. He's not really cute at all!
Guy she made out with: Um, I'm right here.
Drunk girl: Shhhhhhhhhh, I'm setting up a date with a cute guy!
–1st Ave & 8th St
Overheard by: amused
Julliard student #1: And served it with the brains and everything…a whole chicken.
Julliard student #2: That's disgusting.
Julliard student #1: Yeah, it was sweet.
–Lincoln Center
Disheveled middle aged man: You are drunk! You are drunk! You are drunk!
Drunk disheveled middle aged woman, leaning against car: Don't you ever call my mother on Mother's Day again.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: Tess
White man: You going to church too?
Black woman: Yes.
White man: You know, I just started crying last week at service. It is so powerful.
Black woman: I know.
White man: I mean, our next President will be the last President before the Antichrist comes. Are you ready to be saved?
–Foster Ave & Marlborough Rd, Brooklyn
Gangsta #1: Yo, before meiosis shit's gotta do DNA replication.
Gangsta #2: What you talkin about? It just splits in fuckin half.
Gangsta #1: Nigga, you dumb.
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: I Love Biology
Dopey guy: Oh yeah, Phenomena!
Girlfriend: No, it's “mahna mahna”… The Muppets, right?
Dopey guy: But I always thought it was “Phenomena”! Like…Phenomenon.
Girlfriend: No. (sighs)
–Subway, 29th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jane
Guy #1: I jack off and eat at the same time! It's easy!
Guy #2: What? How can you do that? That's gross!
Guy #1: I do it all the time! One hand on my pizza and the other on Johnny!
Guy #2: TMI!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Olee
Male student: (question is inaudible)
Old male professor: You want to have sex with me?
Male student: No, what's number six?
Old male professor: Oh,I was about to say I'm happily married.
–John Jay College
Overheard by: LMAO
Boyfriend: I wouldn't marry you. I would pay for half and give you a ride to the clinic.
Girlfriend: Baby, that's beer money. Just push me down the stairs and we'll go out.
Boyfriend: I love you.
–84th & 1st
Construction guy #1, in thick New York accent: Hey, Harry!
Construction guy #2: Yeah?
Construction guy #1: I'm havin' a pajama party at my house tonight, you wanna come over?
–53rd & 3rd
